6 Things That Can Ruin Mystery In A Relationship

by Isadora Baum, CHC

If you've been with your partner for a while, you might start to get really comfortable with each other. I mean really comfortable. While this is a good thing, it can lead to a rut if attraction dies down. There are things you shouldn't do around your partner, as they can share too much and not leave enough mystery left or sexy surprises that can help maintain that romantic spark. When they see you in every aspect possible, it might make things go sour, as the relationship can seem too platonic or dull. It's important to find that happy medium.

As a certified health coach, I work with clients on feeling happy and satisfied in their relationships, as well as feeling at ease around their partners. (Who wants to feel on eggshells, right?) Still, you want some mystery to remain, where there's still a part of you that can excite your partner is new ways and there's more for him or her to learn about you. A key aspect to a relationship is constantly getting to know the other person better, and if everything is out on the table, and there's nothing left to gain, it might make the relationship seem stale. This can surely lead to a break up, as well. Here are 9 things you shouldn't do around your partner, so you can keep the magic alive.

1. Planning The Same Things All The Time

According to relationship counselor David Bennett, over email with Bustle, if you're planning the same events and activities, like dinners, movies, and weekend trips, over and over, it's bound to get predictable. When there's lack of mystery and adventure, it can make your partner get bored of you and the relationship, and he or she might start looking elsewhere.

2. Sharing Every Single Thing

There's no need to overshare everything when it comes to relationships, says Bennett. "Stop oversharing. Many couples provide each other with moment by moment updates over text, phone, and then in person. They know so much about each other, there is no room for mystery and intrigue," Bennett explains. This can make your partner tired of hearing about you and your day, which isn't a good sign for the future.

3. Catering To Your Partner's Hobbies All The Time

Of course, in any good relationship, it's nice to share interests or at least be open to enjoying those of your partner from time to time. Yet, don't forget about your own hobbies. You shouldn't ever compromise your own interests in order to always be there for your partner's, as you'll lose sight of who you are as an individual. It's easy to find a hobby as an adult, and once you do, you should make the time to enjoy the activity, regardless of your partner joining or not.

4. Doing Everything Together

If you're doing everything together, without having separate lives and hobbies to some extent (perhaps a girls' night or a favorite workout class you do every Tuesday evening), you're not leaving any mystery there. Instead, you'll always know what the other person is doing, thinking, eating for dinner (you get the idea). Instead, take some time apart to keep a healthy amount of ambiguity and surprise.

5. Always Traveling Together

While you might love your partner, it's best to have some time apart where you can get in touch with yourself, says Shlomo Zalman Bregman, a rabbi and matchmaker, over email with Bustle. A good example? You could travel alone. Having that independence can help you recharge and leave a bit of suspense on your partner's end, as he or she waits for you to return home.

6. Not Having Friendships Outside The Relationship

While lots of couples might overlap in friend groups, as it's typical to do double-dates or just hang out with the same people, together, there are many benefits to having your own friendships. This gives a bit of separation from your partner and allows you to discuss some issues that might not be appropriate for sharing with your partner. So, you can keep some mystery there and vent elsewhere.

If you're doing any of these things, you might not be leaving enough to the imagination or keeping things interesting enough. A relationship is still a journey and adventure, so being spontaneous and carefree can help maintain that fun energy.