7 Common And Seemingly Little Freak Outs That Actually Really Hurt Relationships
Everyone has their share of freak outs every now and then. But when it comes to your relationship, it's important to take notice of how often it's happening. Because according to experts, common and seemingly little freak outs can really hurt your relationship in the long run.
"Freak outs are proven irritation and hostility towards your partner," Mackenzie Riel, relationship expert with TooTimid, tells Bustle. "It can show a lack of self control and inability to communicate when you're having a problem. It also shows that you might rather start a fight for no reason than try to talk to your partners about the real feelings you're having." And the latter is definitely the better approach if something seems off to you.
As you can imagine, the more confrontations outs you have without communicating effectively, the more distance you'll have in your relationship. According to Riel, you may find that affection and connection will start to diminish. You might even find that you don't feel as happy with your relationship or your partner. "A little fighting is healthy," she says. "But once the little fights start to build up, it can become something much worse."
The best thing to do is catch yourself before you escalate something that's not worth ruining your relationship over. So here are some common and seemingly small freak outs you should be aware of.
1. Freak Outs Over Small Mistakes
People make mistakes. It happens. As Celia Schweyer, dating and relationship expert at DatingScout.com, tells Bustle, "When small things cause big drama, this puts unnecessary stress on the partner." If this constantly happens a lot, your partner may get turned off to the relationship because they feel like they can't ever make a mistake. So instead, take a moment to regroup and decide whether or not this is something worth fighting over. Discussing it calmly may be the best option.
2. Freak Outs Over Your Partner's Texts
Freaking out over unknown numbers in your partner's phone can lead your partner to believe that you don't trust them. "Just receiving a text from an unknown number doesn't mean that a partner is cheating," Schweyer says. If you really have your suspicions, let them know. Talk it over with them, and see if your feelings are justified.
4. Freak Outs Over Your Ex
If you get upset whenever you hear news about your ex, like they're getting married or they started seeing someone new, this won't do your relationship any good. "What do you think your partner is thinking?" Schweyer says. "This says that the person they love still cares about their ex and that there are still feelings this person." Even if you don't see it that way, your partner might.
5. Freak Outs Due To Your Fear Of Missing Out
"A fear of missing out is a thing that many people feel when they hear about plans others have, parties they can't attend, or things they haven't done yet," Schweyer says. "But what about [if you] can't enjoy some time at home and instead freaks out about it every time? This might cause huge discomfort and stress in your partner." If you constantly become distressed whenever you feel like your life isn't what you want it to be, your partner may start taking it the wrong way. They may feel unappreciated or that they're not enough for you, which is something to pay attention to.
6. Getting Angry When Your Partner Doesn't Do Their Share Of The Chores
Studies have found that arguments over household chores have led many couples to seek divorce. When you're tired after a long day of work, the last thing you want to do is wash the dishes. The same can probably be said for your partner. It's important to divide it equally so it's fair. But freaking out over why your partner isn't doing their share, especially when they're tired from work, isn't the most productive way to have that conversation.
7. Freak Outs Over The Pacing Of Your Relationship
It's easy to freak out over the pacing of the relationship. This tends to happen if you've been dating for a while and you have yet to define the relationship. But as Riel says, "If you're not 100 percent sure about the relationship, this can be a quick step towards disaster." When you freak out over where your relationship is heading or why you aren't officially committed yet, it can cause you to force the relationship to move at a pace it's just not ready for. So if this is something that's really bothering you, talk with your partner and see if they're on the same page as you.
Freak outs happen. It's just important to be aware of how often they happen, and whether or not there was a more productive option. If not, it can lead to resentment, which is the last thing you want in your relationship.