Whether you believe it or not, the energy you give off in your relationship will affect it in some way. After all, there's a reason why gratitude and positivity are closely linked. When you appreciate the things you have, you're more likely to have a positive outlook on life and a happier relationship. Negative energy works the same way. If you find yourself having the same problems over and over again, experts say, there may be
bad energy in your relationship.
"We have our own energy and so does everyone else," Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT,the co-founder of
Wright Wellness Center, tells Bustle. "When we're in relationships, we share our energy with someone else and they share their energy with us."
So when there's "bad" or negative energy in your relationship, you'll might feel like an
energy vampire is sucking the life out of you. "In terms of a relationship, you may feel emotionally drained after being with your partner," she says. You may feel off after spending time with them, and just thinking about them will make you feel exhausted.
You may not even be aware that bad energy is affecting your relationship. So if the following problems keep occurring, it may be time to evaluate how to change the energy in your relationship.
You Keep Feeling Doubtful Over Your Partner's Loyalty
"When someone begins to have doubts in a relationship, this can lead to feelings of anxiety," Mackenzie Riel, relationship expert with
TooTimid, tells Bustle. That anxiety can then lead to irritability and frustration, both of which are signs of bad energy in the relationship. Your doubts may cause you to question your partner's feelings about you, you may start to snoop through their phone, or accuse them of cheating when they're not. As a result, this can lead to tension and distance in the relationship, so it's best to be upfront with your partner about your worries.
You Get Easily Irritated When You're Around Them For Too Long
When there's bad energy in the relationship, you may constantly feel annoyed whenever you're with your partner for too long. Even the smallest things they do can set you off. If this is constantly happening, you may be doing yourself a disservice by staying in your relationship. "You're basically restricting yourself from happiness and ruining your chances of meeting someone who will only give you good energy," Riel says. If this is the case, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
You Shut Down When You Don't Get Your Way
Shutting down whenever things aren't going your way is a problem because it puts you in "victim mode." According to Amber Shirley, relationship coach behind @
TextingAllQueens, there must be a perpetrator if there's a victim. "When your partner becomes the enemy, you go into protection mode and put armor up around your heart," she says. Shutting down is a sign of bad energy because you're closing the lines of communication between you and your partner. Without positive open-hearted communication and connection, Shirley says, you can't have the emotional intimacy required for a deeply loving relationship.
You Get Personal During Fights
If you find yourself using your partner's vulnerabilities as a weapon during fights, there's bad energy in your relationship. The reality is, all couples fight. But healthy couples do it in
a way that's mindful and productive. It takes more effort to be fair during fights than it does to get mean. It also takes a lot of trust to open up to someone about something deeply person. "If you bring that vulnerable issue up in the heat of an argument, you're fracturing that trust," Shirley says. You're only channeling negative energy whenever you resort to name calling or using your partner's insecurities against them.
You Prioritize Your Needs Over The Needs Of The Relationship
"Relationships are a dance of giving and receiving," Shirley says. "When you're focused entirely on getting what you want and need from your partner you are in take mode." When it comes to relationship, selfishness and negativity go hand in hand. When you're only thinking of yourself, you tend to focus more on what's lacking in your relationship than what you already have. It's pretty much why life coaches and other wellness experts will tell you to practice gratitude in order
increase the positive energy in your life. When you're grateful for your relationship and for what your partner does for you, you'll see your relationship in a more positive light.
You And Your Partner Have No Problem Airing Out Your Issues For Everyone To Hear
If you and your partner are a pain to be around when you're out with friends, there's bad energy in your relationship. "Friends can spot toxicity long before you do," Riel says. "When there's issues in a relationship, it will often effect others in your life, especially if you have mutual friends." So pay attention to how you and your partner act around others. Do you play nice and wait for a better time to discuss problems? Or do you not care if you start arguing around your friends and family? If people in your social circle are starting to take sides, the bad energy in your relationship may be spreading.
"Bad energy can be emotionally exhausting," Riel says. "If the vibe is never right and there are issues, you're likely going to tire yourself out by being sad and worried about what's going to happen or how you're going to resolve the next fight." Living fight to fight is going to be mentally and emotionally taxing for anyone. A relationship with bad energy will take a lot out of you. You'll know things aren't great when thinking about your partner fills you with anxiety and dread instead of genuine happiness and love.
If the negativity in your relationship is too much, you should think about if your partner really is right for you or not. But the good news is, you can turn things around. No one is "cursed" to have bad energy forever. Again, one easy way to infuse more positivity into your relationship is to practice gratitude. When you're appreciative of the relationship you have, it will show.