Part of knowing if you're ready to be in a relationship is being sure that you're getting into a relationship for the right reasons. A relationship should make you happy, rather than just being a placeholder. Because there's nothing wrong with being single — it's really so much better than being in a sh*tty relationship. "I'd rather be single, in a comfortable relationship with myself, than trapped in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship with someone else," certified relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca tells Bustle. "Being single gives me freedom so I don't waste time or energy on a relationship partner who doesn't value me and my attributes. I've given up drama and appreciate my life as it is now."
But even though there are so many good reasons to stay single, people still get into relationships for the wrong reasons. Sometimes it's neediness, loneliness, or a lack of independence — but sometimes it's just straight-up boredom. That's right, people who aren't good at spending time alone can get into relationships simply because there's nothing better to do. And that's not fair on either party — one of you is being used by someone who's not actually interested and the other is missing out on learning how to be content on their own. It's a dangerous game. But how do you know that it's happening?
Here are the signs that you don't actually want to be in a relationship, you're just bored.
1You Get Super Excited At EVERYONE You Meet
Not everyone you meet is a perfect match for you — and not everyone you meet is someone you should be getting excited about. But if every time you meet someone you think it could really work, make sure you're not just trying to force something that isn't there.
2You've Been Serial Dating
Speaking of, have you been going on three Tinder dates a week for the last six months, then finally just throwing your energy into someone? It's easy to get bored of serial dating, but that doesn't mean you should settle for the next person who comes along.
3You Can't Pinpoint What You Like About Them
You're sure that they're great, right? You're just not sure... why. If you're just manically insisting how much you like them, but you're short on details, maybe you need to have a think about why you're with them.
4You Rush Things
In a rush to DTR and move things along? Why are you moving so fast? Make sure that you're not just trying to make it work and that you're actually paying attention to the person you're with.
5Your Friends Don't See It
They know you best. If they're not clear on why you and your new partner are together— or if they think you may just be relationship hopping — they're normally worth listening to.
6Your New Partner Is A Cookie-Cutter Of Your Last Partner
This is a mixture of not being over your ex and being bored, but it happens. If you jump for the next person that reminds you of your ex and then try to scrape together a relationship, something's up. It's totally fine to take some time and be alone for a while.
7You Constantly Get Frustrated With Them
The truth is, if you're just getting into a relationship for the sake of being in one, rather than because you like the person, they're going to let you down. Eventually, you're going to get annoyed and frustrated with them because it's not the relationship you actually want it to be. But that's because it's not one you should be in in the first place.
Learning to be alone and finding ways to amuse yourself and love your own company is so important. And being in a relationship just because you're bored isn't fair on anyone — know the signs and be honest with yourself.
