Competing with your partner can often be written off as silly and fun. And sometimes it is— couples that get competitive during a board game or at a rock climbing wall probably are just having a great time. But what's worrying is when a couple is really in competition with each other, rather than working as a team. "People who communicate effectively in their relationship collaborate and are truly a team," Lisa Concepcion, Life Coach, Relationship Expert, and Founder of LoveQuest Coaching, tells Bustle. "There's no feeling of competition and no desire to be right but a big desire to be happy. There's agreement, respect, more connection sexually, and the ability to problem solve, set goals and meet them."
Because a little competition can feel sexy and fun, but if you're actual in competition all the time then it can destroy your relationship. But you might not always catch yourselves doing it. The signs aren't always easy to see, because it can be wrapped up in passive or aggression— or maybe you've never really allowed yourself to acknowledge the resentment you have in your head. But when a relationship goes wrong, competition can rise up. And that's just not a fun place to be. So how do you know? Here are the signs that you need to look out for.