Sometimes you get that moment during a kiss when everything around you goes dark and you're just swept away. The best. Other times? It can feel slimy, dry, out of sync, or just plain bad. There are actual signs you're a bad kisser that might be turning your partner off, and unless you find a better way to connect physically, the relationship might not make it. Plus, if the kissing sucks, sex will probably be horrible. Major bummer.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on feeling confident and happy in their relationships, and what better way to feel hot and awesome than knowing you just had an amazing make out session? It's pretty high up there. What's more, if you have great physical chemistry with your partner, you're more likely to be more compatible in other areas, such as in emotional expression and communication skills (two super valuable aspects in a sustainable, successful relationship). Here's one thing to keep in mind, though: Kissing preference can differ, so while your partner might not like your style, another one might get super turned on. No need to sweat it, but taking notes and being open to learning as you go can help, too. Here, 7 signs you might be a bad kisser in your partner's eyes.
1. Your Partner Only Kisses You Elsewhere
If your partner is avoiding your mouth like all the time, it could be because you're a bad kisser, explains sex and relationship expert Luna Hutchings over email with Bustle. An example: Your partner might divert to neck and cheek when you try and go in for a kiss, Hutchings says.
2. Your Partner Never Uses Tongue
Of course, sometimes avoiding too much tongue is good (since it can get slimy and aggressive), but if your partner never uses any tongue and only focuses on small pecks and closed mouth kisses, it could mean that he or she isn't really into the idea of "making out" with you, explains Hutchings.
3. You Both Don't Kiss For Very Long
"If your make out sessions seem to be over quickly, then you’re probably not good at kissing," explains relationship expert Jonathan Bennett over email with Bustle. "If your partner enjoyed your kisses, then he or she would want to keep going for a long time. Keeping make out time brief is your partner’s way of telling you he or she doesn’t really enjoy it," Bennett adds.
4. Your Kissing Never Leads To Sex
Next step after kissing (and maybe a few dates)? Probably sex. Or, at least it should turn you both on enough to want to hit the sheets. "A good make out session will almost always lead to something more, whether it’s heavy petting or even sex. If your kissing never leads to anything else, then it means you’re not turning your partner on. If you’re not getting your partner riled up when making out, then you’re not a great kisser," says Bennett.
5. You're Violent (And Not In A Sexy Way)
Sure, nibbling can be hot at times, but if there are some weird, violent sounds (like teeth grinding) or your lips start to feel chafed and sore, it could mean that you're being too aggressive with your kissing, explains relationship expert and author Donna Arp Weitzman of Sex and the Siren: Tales of a Later Dater over email with Bustle.
6. Your Partner Pulls Away
"You may not be a great kisser if the person you're kissing kind of pulls away, or tries to tilt their head to adjust to how you're kissing them," explains Antonia Hall, MA. is a psychologist, relationship expert and the award-winning author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life over email with Bustle. "When kissing is really good, there's a natural inclination to move even closer to the person, not further away," Hall adds.
7. Your Partner Looks Uncomfortable After
"If the person you're kissing puts their hand to their mouth as soon as the kiss is over, it's likely that they weren't enjoying it," says Hall. What's more, "if they wipe their mouth, and it's clearly not concerns about smeared lipstick, they probably didn't like the way they were being kissed," Hall adds. Plus, you can look at body language. Are they smiling and engaging with you by looking into your eyes? Or are they looking down, or off into the distance? This will tell you a lot, says Hall.
If you notice any of these reactions from your partner or you recognize any personal bad-kissing habits, take note. With a few tweaks, you can easily light the fire (or find someone who is more in sync with your current style).