Porn, movies, magazines, and the people around us too often teach us there's one way to have a satisfying sex life: You have to adhere to beauty ideals, be in a heterosexual relationship, be young, and preferably have as many orgasms as possible. But people who don't fit this description are having great sex lives every day, and everyone has the right and the ability to do so.
“Great sex has everything to do with your headspace and mindset, no matter your experience level, number of partners, body shape, orgasmic abilities, or how many trains you have to take to meet up with a hookup,” sex educator Anne Hodder tells Bustle. “The most important sex organ is your brain, so being conscious of triggers, blocks, boundaries, and discomforts — and especially your turn-ons, likes, and ‘OMG more please’ delights — are instrumental to having a sex life that feels great for you. It’s maybe not the sexiest or simplest way to have better sex, but I promise it’s the most rewarding. Plus, the process can help you form a deeper connection to yourself and learn what kinds of partners and experiences you are (and aren’t) willing to spend time and energy on.”
If you’re insecure about any of the following things, don’t sweat it. They don’t have an impact on how good your sex life is.