Each year, Thanksgiving dinner isn't even over before everyone starts hating on "Baby, It's Cold Outside" for its blasé attitude toward consent. It's an easy target (even without the "what's in this drink?" line, it's still about a man refusing to take "no" for an answer) — but there are plenty of other, equally creepy holiday song lyrics out there, too. Indeed, tings you used to enjoy as a child, but find out as an adult were super inappropriate is one of the internet's favorite topics; a quick Google search will turn up dozens, if not hundreds, of lists on the subject. You'd think that the holidays would be safe from this phenomenon, but as it turns out, some songs about the most wonderful time of the year turn out to be a little disturbing upon closer inspection.
That doesn't mean you can't enjoy them, obviously. I'm a staunch feminist and still enjoy a round of carpool karaoke every time "Baby, It's Cold Outside" comes on the radio. Some songs are just too darn catchy to ignore. But if you start paying attention to the lyrics next time you're singing along with a holiday song, you might find that the message was a little different than you realized.
Or if you're lazy, allow me to do this for you. Here are nine holiday songs that actually have super creepy lyrics.
1"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"
"Now bring us some figgy pudding / And a cup of good cheer / We won't go until we get some"
"We Wish You a Merry Christmas" starts out nice — polite, even — but quickly descends into creepy territory. After wishing you a merry Christmas, the carolers demand figgy pudding and declare that they "won't go until [they] get some." What happens if they don't get any figgy pudding? Do the carolers follow you around for the rest of your life? Yikes.
2"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"
"When we found her Christmas morning / At the scene of the attack / She had hoof-prints on her forehead / And incriminating Claus marks on her back"
I don't know which is creepier: The fact that Santa committed cold-blooded murder of an elderly woman, or that her grandchild found her corpse.
"Santa baby, and fill my stocking with a duplex and checks / Sign your 'x' on the line"
To each their own, but I'd rather not think about Santa as a sugar daddy.
4"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
"She didn't see me creep / Down stairs to have a peep / She thought that I was tucked up / In my bedroom fast asleep!"
These poor parents are just trying to have a romantic moment under the mistletoe, and their child is secretly creeping on them from afar. You can't tell me that's not a little weird.
5"Up On The Housetop"
6"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"
"All of the other reindeer /Used to laugh and call him names / They never let poor Rudolph / Join in any reindeer games"
So Santa is okay with his reindeer ostracizing Rudolph until he needs his shiny red nose? That's more than a little messed up.
7"Where Are You Christmas"
"Where is the laughter / You used to bring me / Why can't I hear music play"
Admittedly, this isn't creepy so much as massively depressing, but it's still worth noting.
8"Gonna Make It Through This Year"
"I am six feet under snow / And I have nowhere to go"
This song by the Great Lake Swimmers isn't actually about a zombie, but considering it opens with a super creepy line about being six feet under, you could make a case for that interpretation. Just sayin'.
9"Back Door Santa"
"They call me the back door Santa / I make my runs about the break of day / I make all the little girls happy / while the boys are out to play"
This is one of those songs that makes you do a double-take — it's totally implying adultery.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to reevaluate all the other songs I used to love as a kid.