I never thought I would find myself typing the sentence “A woman was removed from a man’s chimney after having gotten stuck in it” once, let alone twice — but, well… I stand corrected on both counts. Remember that lady in Thousand Oaks, California who has to be extricated with dish soap after climbing down the chimney of a dude who had called it off with her back in October? Well, another woman in a different part of California has done something similar, although this time, there’s a twist: She took her clothing off first.
I am not kidding. This is a thing that actually happened.
According to KTLA, 23 firefighters responded to a call on Rancho Viejo Drive in Riverside County, California at 4:58 AM the morning of January 3. The initial report was somewhat vague; at the time of its publication, all we knew was that a woman had apparently entered the home from the roof via the chimney, then gotten stuck there. The firefighters had to partially dismantle the chimney in order to get her out of it, an operation which took about two hours to complete. The woman was then transported to the hospital with “minor-to-moderate injuries.” Here's what it looked like, Tweeted from the scene:
Many questions emerge from this report, each one more puzzling than the last. Who was she? Whose home was it? Why did she climb down there? Who on
earth thinks it’s a good idea to climb down a chimney in the first place? IS
SANTA CLAUS ACTUALLY A WOMAN?
Luckily, though, more details arose as the investigation developed. The New York Post in particular paints a bizarre picture of exactly what went down — here's what we know so far:
The woman, whose name has still not been released, is 35 years old. The home she attempted to enter belongs to one Tony Hernandez; the pair, who are estranged, have three children together. She apparently showed up at Hernadez’s house in the wee hours of the morning on January 3 — but when the door went unanswered, however (presumably because it was the crack of dawn and Hernandez was asleep), she decided to climb onto the roof, shed her clothes, and enter the house via the chimney. Hernandez discovered her when he woke up to get ready for work; the Post reports that he heard her shouting “I’m trapped in the chimney.” After going up to the roof and checking to see if he could get her out of the chimney himself, he did the smart thing and called 911, and well… the fact that the entire chimney will have to be rebuilt according to Hernandez tells us pretty much everything we need to know about how it went.
Hernandez’s unnamed ex clearly has some problems, and I really do hope she gets the help she needs. Let's all just take this moment to remember, though, that breaking and entering is a bad enough on its own — and trying to do so by climbing down a chimney? Worst. Idea. Ever. There is no time at which it is a good idea. Not a one.
Back when the Thousand Oaks incident happened, I put together a list of related dating dos and don’ts, but perhaps some of the items require some amendments and additions. Let’s stick these ones on the list, too, shall we?
DON’T: Assume you’ve got an open invitation, no matter how many times you’ve been over to the person’s home or how well you know them.
Even if you have children with someone, it is never OK to enter their home uninvited.
DO: Keep your clothes on unless consensual sexytimes are happening.
“Consensual” being the
key word here.
DO: Seek help if you need it.
Seriously. If you or someone you know looks like they could use some professional help, it’s best to seek it out ASAP.