You could be dating your partner for a while and think things are going great. But you can never really know for sure unless they actually tell you how they're feeling. For some people, being comfortable enough to express how they're feeling takes time. So how can you tell if your
partner is truly all in if they're not saying it? According to experts, there are some signs you can look out for.
"Knowing is your
partner is all in is important for your own sense of security," dating and relationship expert, Michelle Baxo, tells Bustle. "It also informs you how much you should emotionally invest in the relationship." After all, why waste your energy on someone who isn't emotionally invested enough in your relationship?
If your partner isn't directly saying they're all in, you can tell by listening for things that indicate a "high level of commitment." According to Baxo, these are things like planning a trip for next summer or discussing where to spend the holidays this year. Someone who's all in sees a future with you and it will show up in the things they say.
But more often than not, they will show you they're serious through their actions. So here are some signs that your partner is truly all in even if they aren't saying it, according to experts.
They're Making You A Part Of Their Life
If you're assessing your relationship to see how serious your partner is, Baxo says you need to look for things that have a lasting impact. For instance, how is your partner bringing you into their world? If your partner is inviting you to holiday parties with friends or dinner with their family, they're serious about making you a part of their life.
They Work With You To Resolve Conflicts
People who check out in the middle of a disagreement or bring up the possibility of breaking up when you're going through a rough spot are not in it for the long haul. "How your partner handles disagreements is informative," Baxo says. "If your partner is eager to resolve issues in a way that prevents it from arising again, they're thinking long-term."
They're Comfortable Being Themselves Around You
Once your partner is all in, they’ll feel completely secure in the relationship. As dating and relationship expert,
Kelli Tellier, tells Bustle, "They’ll be comfortable around you regardless of the situation. They won’t be afraid to have a meltdown after a long day because they're comfortable enough to open up about their good days and their bad."
They Make An Effort To Get To Know The People In Your Life
Someone who's serious about being with you will not only include you into their life, but will make an effort to be a part of yours. As
Michelle Terry, licensed mental health counselor and relationship expert, tells Bustle, this includes getting to know the people you love. "They'll enjoy spending time with your friends and family and it won't feel like a chore or something they 'have' to do," she says. "When they're with the important people in your life, they'll be fully present."
They're Always Up For Trying New Things With You
Trying new things is scary. There's always the possibility of failure and nobody ever wants to look stupid. But if your partner is willing to step outside of their comfort and do something they've never done before with you, they're likely all in. According to Terry, this shows that they have a high level of trust in you because they feel safe enough to take risks.
They Really Listen When You Have Something Important To Say
Knowing how to listen is just as important as knowing how to express yourself. If your partner makes eye contact, doesn't interrupt you, and remembers what you've told them when you're talking, Terry says your partner is showing you that you're important to them.
They Show Up Consistently
Being consistent and showing up isn't limited to scheduled dates. According to sexologist
Emily L. Depasse, a partner who's all in will be present in the "in-betweens" and are conscious enough to check-in throughout the week. "They want to know the ins and outs of you, including any triumphs, troubles, and uncertainties that you may be facing," she says.
They're Not Afraid To Have The Tough Conversations
You can't really have intimacy without vulnerability. So if your partner has dropped their walls and let you in, that's a good sign they're serious about you. According to Depasse, a partner who's all in is willing to engage in vulnerable and potentially uncomfortable conversations. "They're able to acknowledge and process any emotions that may arise and are honest about what they're feeling," she says. These conversations could be related to pet peeves, sexual turn-ons and boundaries, or conversations about your future together.
"If your partner picks you over hanging with their friends or talks to you about their problems or great news they’re most likely all in on your relationship,"
Jeannie Assimos, eharmony’s chief of advice, tells Bustle. These acts not only show you that they care, but that you're also the first person they want to share things with. According to Assimos, that's a big step.
Sometimes it takes a little while for people to say how they're really feeling about you or the relationship. But if you notice these things happening in your relationship already, your partner is truly all in.