Life
Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them unconditionally. But how do you know if your partner is it? According to experts, you'll know if you pay attention to the small things your partner says to you each day.
"John Gottman, a relationship researcher, says that for a relationship to remain positive we need five positive interactions for every one negative interaction," Michelle Terry, licensed counselor and relationship expert, tells Bustle. "The little things add up and matter in the long run for helping a relationship thrive. Without them, it’s nearly impossible to outweigh the negative interactions that happen."
While doing nice things for each other can increase your positive interaction count, the things you say to each other each day matter a lot as well.
According to Terry, when your partner loves you the way you deserve, they'll treat you with respect and kindness. They'll make you feel loved and wanted through both actions and words, and they'll also be committed to meeting your needs. As Steve Dziedzic, relationship expert, founder and CEO of Lasting, tells Bustle, the only way your partner will know what your needs are is through communication.
You can't always assume to know how your partner feels about you. So here are some things your partner will say each day if they love you the way you deserve, according to experts.
1
"It's My Pleasure"
A partner who love you the way you deserve will respond to your requests in positive ways. According to certified relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca, they'll frequently say a variation of the phrase, "It's my pleasure to do so," because they're happy to do things you ask. "It's not about the 'shoulds,' 'obligations' or 'rules' for being a partner," Sedacca says. "It's about wanting to do something for you because they love you and love seeing you happy. That makes all the difference in the world."
2
"Thank You"
The words "thank you" may be small and simple, yet they are so important. When your partner expresses their gratitude, Terry says, this shows that they value what you contribute to the relationship. It shows you that your efforts aren't going unnoticed.
3
Words Of Praise
"When you’re loved the way you deserve, you'll feel confident and good about yourself," Terry says. Your partner likely contributes to those feelings by complimenting you on anything from your accomplishments at work to the things that make you feel sexy.
4
"Thinking About You"
"The small, everyday things are so important to the success of your relationship long-term because at some point the honeymoon phase ends and the butterflies die down and then you are left with a different kind of relationship," relationship coach, Melissa Snow, tells Bustle. When your partner is still sending you quick "thinking of you" texts when you're apart, it shows they're still just as excited about you as they were in the beginning.
5
"How Was Your Day?"
When you're in a relationship with someone who truly loves you, they're going to stay curious about you. They'll be up to date on what's going on in your life because they ask. "It can be easy to start taking each other and your relationship for granted as time goes on," Snow says. "Whether they recognize it or not, both partners want to know that they're still important and that they still matter." When your partner asks you about your day, it shows they care.
6
Words Of Encouragement
"Life is hard, no matter who you are or what you are going through, so it's important to know that your partner recognizes that and that they're your biggest cheerleader," Snow says. Hearing something simple like, "You're going to do great on that presentation," from someone who knows how worried you've been about it can really mean a lot.
7
"I Love You"
Once you get the initial "I love you" out of the way, it's easy to just throw the phrase around like it's no big deal. But it's important to say these three words each day and actually mean it. "Remember that tomorrow is not a promise," Snow says. "We should all be making an effort to make sure people who matter to us know how we feel about them every day."
Again, the small everyday things really matter. When your partner loves you the way you deserve, you don't need to rely on grand declarations of love on your birthday, anniversary, or special holidays to feel it. Each day with your partner will always make you feel appreciated, wanted, and loved.
