9 Signs Your Partner Is Trying To Get Closer To You That You Might Not Realize
Sometimes, you're dating someone and things are moving at a nice and steady pace. However, other times, you may be missing signs your partner is trying to get closer to you. After all, perhaps they're having you meet more and more of their friends, but you don't think it's a big deal — that's just how relationships work. Or maybe they're starting to ask you more questions about your life. Whatever the case may be, there are definitely signals your significant other gives you — subtly or overtly — that they are trying to get closer to you, emotionally speaking. And, in most cases, it's a very good thing that the person you're dating wants you two to get closer… as long as it's not in a creepy or stalkerish way, of course.
"Regarding the familiarity we have with someone, and the comfort we have with them, it often desensitizes us to subtle shifts in their communication style," Shlomo Zalman Bregman, Rabbi, matchmaker, and relationship expert, tells Bustle. "One of the many ways this manifests itself is in the form of a partner having renewed and/or heightened interest in the relationship, and, in essence, trying to get closer to you through their actions. So pay attention to what they're doing differently, and more of."
Like Rabbi Bregman says, someone's actions can be very telling. Here are some signs your partner is trying to get closer to you that you might not realize... at least, not at first.
1. They Make Time For You
If your partner is making themselves more flexible in order to see you, they may be trying to get closer to you emotionally. "If your significant other is more available and flexible with their time, that's another sign they're trying to get closer to you," Rabbi Bregman says. "Despite the fact they're normally super busy, and validly so, they suddenly seem to be around more, and even more able to work their schedule around yours. This is a tell-tale sign!"
2. They Want You To Meet Their Closest Family & Friends
The more of your partner's friends and family members you meet, especially their very best friends or closest family members, the more you are "in" with your partner. After all, they wouldn't introduce you to them unless they thought you two have a future, right?
3. They Do More And More Sweet Things For You
The phrase "actions speak louder than words" is very apparent when your partner starts to do more and more sweet things for you, especially unprompted. Whether they pick up your favorite chocolate on the way over to see you or send you flowers when you have a bad day at work, their sweet gestures show that they're thinking of you and want to be closer to you, emotionally, in good times and in bad. "When he or she helps out around the house, fixes your car or computer, cooks extra special for you, tidies up the bedroom, etc., those are all signs your partner is trying to get closer to you," Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (aka "Dr. Romance"), psychotherapist, and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. "Partners who aren't good at knowing what to say to let you know they want to be close may tell you non-verbally, by doing nice things for you. It's a non-verbal love language, so say a warm thank you and the response may be a pleasant surprise."
4. They Ask You A Lot Of Questions
If your partner asks you more and more questions about your life, it's likely they want to be a bigger part of it. "A sign your significant other is trying to get closer to you is if they have an increased curiosity about you and your life," Rabbi Bregman says. "Your partner might be asking more and more things, like: Anything exciting happen at work today? What do you think about 'x' or 'y' going on in the news? And so on. Increased interest in the nitty-gritty details of your life is definitely a sign."
5. They Are Even More Complimentary Than They Were Before
Compliments go a long way, and who doesn't like to hear sweet endearments from the person they're dating? But if the compliment quotient goes up, you can count on the fact that your partner wants to get closer to you. "Flattery and compliment-giving are often a sign that your partner is trying to make you feel even better about yourself, and wants to spike your self-esteem, and how you feel around them," Rabbi Bregman says. "This is almost always a sign they are trying to get even more into your inner-world and thoughts."
6. They Make More Eye Contact
When you see that your partner looks at you more, really looks at you and into your eyes, this is yet another cue that they are trying to get close to you. "Eye contact is a sure sign that someone wants to be close," Dr. Tessina says. "You can then ask them a pleasant question, like 'What are you thinking about?' and see what happens."
7. They Get Closer To You Physically
A very apparent way that the person you're dating wants to get closer to you is by doing so physically. "If you're wondering why your partner always seems to be at your elbow or asking what you're doing, working on, or reading, be aware that physical closeness is a sign of wanting intimacy," Dr. Tessina says. "Try reaching out and holding his or her hand or touching them and see what happens."
Tyler Turk, Founder, Crated With Love, a monthly date night subscription box, agrees that getting closer to your partner physically is a sign you want to get closer emotionally, too. "Depending on your partner's personality, you'll start to notice specific actions that are really meant to tell you that they need a little love," Turk tells Bustle. "These things vary from person-to-person and may not be the same way you ask for emotional attention. For example, I use physical touch to let Michelle, my wife, know that I want to get closer emotionally. I might give her an extra-long hug when she gets home from work or grab her hand and pretend to ballroom dance across the living room. For me, those sort of physical displays help me tell Michelle that I want to get closer to her."
8. They Reminisce About A Past Date
Thinking about past dates you and your partner have shared is another indicator that they want to get close to you emotionally, perhaps to repeat the feeling from that date. "When my wife reminisces on a past romantic date we've had, I know she is seeking some emotional attention," Turk says. "Then she'll suggest we do something similar. Sometimes, she'll even ask me when my next romantic gesture will be. Whenever I hear her talking about a past event or hinting that I should do something romantic for her, it usually means she wants to get closer. Plus, she gets a really cute inflection in her voice, which is always a dead giveaway."
9. They Often Talk About You Two In "We" Language
Whenever someone speaks in "we" language — "We'll go to 'x'" or "We'll go to 'y,'" — consider it a definite sign that they see more and more of their future as a "we," not an "I." Yep, once again, they're showing they want to get closer to you, and do you blame them? "When your partner talks wistfully about doing something together, it's a sign they want to be closer," Dr. Tessina says.
Now that you know how your partner is trying to get closer to you, the question is: Are you on the same page, relationship-wise? If yes, then that's great. If not, you may want to talk to him or her about boundaries, and a relationship pace that you feel comfortable with. If your partner is as into you as the above shows, they'll be receptive to your honesty in wanting to take things slower. If not, that's a whole other story altogether.
As Turk says, "Everyone is a little different, and we typically do not give the same hints as our partners. The good thing is, these actions are usually consistent with past behaviors, so the more you pay attention to your partner, the easier it will be to know when they want to get closer emotionally!"
All in all, the above are great reminders of what to watch for when someone's trying to
tell show you they want to get closer, emotionally, without actually telling you verbally.