If you're looking to find
ways to feel closer to your partner without rushing things or not respecting their space, there are a few ways you can get that attention but still keep your cool. When finding ways to strengthen your connection with your partner, you'll want to still maintain your independence and allow him or her to have freedom, as well. If things get heavy too fast, or you seem excessively eager or pushy, it may make your partner feel suffocated, or potentially pressured. Plus, this may then backfire, too, causing your partner to become distant.
certified health coach, I work with clients on strengthening their relationships, especially those that involve a significant other. However, relationships can go through ups and downs, when one partner feels restrained or unsatisfied in some way, while the other is looking for more depth. When the two people are on separate pages, it can cause tension in the relationship, and it can even lead to a breakup. To avoid this fall-out or mismatched speed, but still make strides toward that next level of a relationship, you'll need to proceed with caution and subtly build those bonds without it being too obvious. Here are nine ways to connect with your significant other without causing a freak out.
Making Giving A Priority
"Surprise your partner with gifts at work,"
Jonathan Bennett, a relationship counselor, tells Bustle. "Work can be stressful and giving your partner a small gift can brighten his or her day. Having flowers delivered, bringing him or her a cup of coffee on break, or packing a small surprise in his or her lunch can be a nice surprise." But, Bennett cautions, don't go overboard on the gifting. While it's a nice token occasionally, too many gifts can come on too strongly.
Casually Check In At The End Of The Day
You may not want to text all day, after all, your significant other may be busy. "Check in once a day on how their day went, what was their high and low,"
Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. "This will promote emotional closeness and make them feel like you care about the details of their life without being too overbearing."
Don't Spend Every Day With Them
Believe it or not, but the best way to get closer to your partner is to give some space. "Spend several days with them and several days with others," says Fisher. "It's essential to have enough quality time together each week to promote closeness; however, you also need to be spending several days a week with other friends to continue your independence."
Leave "Big Talks" For Later
Unless you're at
the point of discussing marriage, kids, and so forth, you'll want to keep big talks about the future to a minimum when you're trying to get closer in a new relationship. "Bring up future topics together sparingly," says Fisher. "For example, you can casually bring up future goals in life together; however, if you do this too much it can feel like pressure and suffocate the relationship."
Pick And Choose Your Battles
Fighting is a natural part of any relationship, but every so often it is important to resist picking squabbles over the smaller things, and enjoy your time with the other person "Let your partner know you are putting any [issues] on a shelf for the weekend/day/vacation — however long so you can be with each other safe and open, leaving the rest tucked away till later,"
Amy Color, intimacy therapist and coach, tells Bustle.
Speak Your Partner's LOVE Language
According to Dr. Gary Chapman,
there are five love languages - Words Of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts Of Service, and Physical Touch. Depending on which love language a person identifies with the most can help you decipher the way they express their feelings, and how they will interpret yours. For example, people whose love language is affirmation will need consistent verbal confirmations of your emotions while those who favor acts of service know you care when you help them do something challenging. When they don't match, it can make the relationship harder, because your ways of receiving and giving affection may differ from your partner. Your best bet? Pay attention to your significant other's "language," and show them in a way they will understand.
Don't Always Look For A Response
Sometimes your significant is busy and doesn't have a moment to respond. Instead of sending a slew of texts, and waiting for a response, send a text that doesn't call for an answer to show you're thinking of him or her. "Let them know you are aware of their life and offer them support through a text, such as 'You’ll be great in that presentation today' or let them grin with a 'You are so sexy' message or hidden note," says Color.
Do Something New Together
Taking on a new challenge or adventure together can be
a great way to bond with your partner in a fun, carefree way that doesn't put any excess pressure on the relationship. You'll both feel connected in the moment, and it'll keep the partnership light and exciting, rather than too monumental.
Of course, doing something in bed that you're both comfortable with can immediately
increase that connection with your partner both inside and outside the bedroom. A good idea is to ask your significant other if they want to play out a fantasy you share, to shake things up and bring more excitement to the relationship.
If you're looking to build that bond but you don't want to come on too strong, these healthy relationship habits and fun activities can do just the trick, bringing you closer and more satisfied with where you currently are with each other.