A Champagne Vending Machine Is Coming To The U.S. Just In Time For Your 2017 #Woes
Bryan Bedder/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Share

Seeing as 2017 has inspired fun new mottos like "protest is the new brunch" and required constant vigilance for breaking news on social media, it is no doubt a bit of a challenge to take your body out of What Is Going On In This Political Dumpster Fire mode and ~relax~. And while finding self-care routines, be it marathoning an old favorite show or indulging in a soothing hobby, are hella important, one more ray of sunshine just hit the scene: a miniature champagne bottle vending machine has finally come to the U.S., and it is every bit as beautiful as it sounds.

The Moët & Chandon vending machine actually made its first spark on the internet in London in 2016, adding itself to the "Things I'd Swim Across The Pond For" list you've likely written with Harry Potter and the Cursed Child tickets and Cadbury chocolate in mind. That vending machine was only there on a temporary basis, though — but the new installation of the one in the "Sky Bar" of The Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Las Vegas is, fortunately, there to stay, along with all 350 (!!!) bottles that it holds. Holy Instagram opp, Batman!

Just in case your FOMO wasn't already threatening your vital organs, LOOK how classy this thing is:

Randy Shropshire/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Genuinely curious what level of celebrity I'd have to attain to get one of these in my apartment? I'll go the distance. I'll do whatever it takes. Get Kris Jenner on the phone, I need a momager, STAT.

Randy Shropshire/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

I'm now pre-disappointed in any other vending machine I encounter from this point now and for the rest of my human life.

If you're wondering how the legality of this works, the vending machine definitely has safeguards to keep underage people from going on a mini champagne spree. Guests can purchase 20 dollar tokens from the front desk, which are the only tokens the machine will accept, ensuring that everyone who uses it is of legal drinking age.

While there's only one of these puppies in Las Vegas right now, hopefully the hype will inspire them to expand out to other locations as well (not to be selfish, but New York *cough* New York). In the meantime, I guess the rest of us are just going to have to get our mini bottles of champagne at the wine store like the commoners we are.