What was your dream job when you were a kid? Astronaut? Movie star? Professional chicken nugget taster? Well, good news: Even if your career has gone in a dramatically different direction from what you once expected,that last one might finally be in your grasp. A job listing for a “chicken nugget connoisseur” has hit the internet — and it’s actually legit. There are, however, a few catches, so you might want to brace yourself for disappointment.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
Anyway, here’s the deal: According to the listing, UK-based discount retailer B&M is planning on launching a new range of fresh and frozen food options in a number of their stores in February — but, naturally, they want to make sure it’s all up to snuff prior to the launch. So, they’re hiring someone to taste test some of the items and share feedback with B&M in order to help with the future evolution of the range.
Given the title of the position, we can probably safely assume that chicken nuggets are part of the range; however, the wording of the listing suggests that the Chicken Nugget Connoisseur will be responsible for tasting other options beyond the nuggs, as well. Not that I’m complaining about that — but, y’know, it’s worth keeping in mind.
Like any good job listing, this one lists a selection of relevant experience qualified candidates will have. This experience includes, but is not limited to:
“Getting the 20-share box of nuggets from McDonald’s and keeping them all for yourself;
Being the first in the office kitchen whenever someone says there’s cake;
That time you tripped and fell at a buffet and saved the plate before yourself;
Going to an event or party because there is free food;
You value the importance of a fish finger sandwich in life;
You can conduct a PowerPoint presentation on the reasoning behind curly fries being nicer than chips.”
Does that sound like you? Congratulations! You may be just the person B&M is looking for.
Before you apply, though — well, remember how I mentioned that there were a few catches? They might be make-it-or-break-it caveats for you. First, this job won’t pay the bills; according to the listing, “the successful individual will receive £25 vouchers monthly to spend on fresh and frozen food in their local B&M store” in exchange for their expert opinion, rather than an actual paycheck. Second, it’s temporary, so alas, if you manage to land this position, you will only be able to call yourself a professional chicken nugget taster for a short time. And third, you have to be in the UK in order to be eligible — the job is located in Merseyside, North West England. If you are looking for a) permanent work that pays b) actual money, and are c) not situated anywhere near Merseyside, then alas, this job may not be for you.
Coincidentally, at the end of December, the Washington Post declared 2017 “the year of chicken nuggets,” and, well… they’re not wrong. I mean, it was the year of a lot of things, but given that so many of those things were (and continue to be) kind of… uh… heavy, it’s kind of nice to know that there was something so wonderfully lighthearted buried in there, as well. As the WaPo piece notes, an unexpectedly large number of news stories about chicken nuggets emerged from the coop in 2017: #NuggsForCarter, chicken nugget yoga, the woman whose boyfriend fed her chicken nuggets while she was waiting for her nails to dry (true love!) … and, uh, this (emphasis mine):
"Nov. 30: An Australian man pleads guilty to drunken driving after his attempt to order 200 McNuggets ends in his own arrest. Told that McNuggets were not on the breakfast menu, he harassed staff members, demanding nuggets before eventually ordering $230 worth of hash browns instead. He was found to have a blood alcohol level 3 1/2 times the legal limit, and later told the court that he is vegan."
Sadly, the woman who received a chicken nugget bouquet from her boyfriend instead of a standard flower bouquet seems to be absent from WaPo's list. Personally, I feel it should have earned a spot; it's at least as notable as the nugget-feeding boyfriend, if not quite as astonishing as the vegan McNugget man.
Maybe that's just me, though.
Will 2018 also be the year of chicken nuggets? Or, with this job listing, are we just looking at the very last gasp of the previous year, despite the fact that the calendarticked over two weeks ago? Only time will tell.
In any event, if you think you have what it takes to be the world’s best Chicken Nugget Connoisseur, the job listing can be found on B&M’s website; all you have to do is upload a brief paragraph discussing why you think you’re the perfect fit for the job and listing your relevant experience and you’re good to go. And hey, even if you’re not planning on applying, I still recommend checking the listing out anyway — it’s truly a gem.
Good luck, future Chicken Nugget Connoisseurs of tomorrow!