All The Animals You Can Name After Your Ex This Valentine's Day
Everyone has different ways of getting over an ex. Some immediately re-download a dating app, some prefer to wallow, and some get some much-needed "me time" right after a breakup. But this Valentine's Day you can do something truly special and name a cockroach, a snake, or another nasty animal after a not-so-special someone.
When you're recently single, Valentine's Day can have an awful way of reminding you that you don't have anyone to split a heart-shaped lava cake for two with. But this Valentine's Day is a fantastic time to be newly single and fresh off a bad breakup, because a number of zoos around the world have started Valentine's Day specials allowing you to name animals and insects (ultimately another bigger animal's prey) after your ex.
Whether your partner ghosted you, cheated on you, or broke up with you over text, cementing an ex's roachy status is certainly one way to celebrating Valentine's Day this year. And, the money even goes to some great causes. Below are some of the Valentine's Day offerings across the country, whether you want to feed a salmon named after your ex to a brown bear or pay $2 and name a worm after them.
1. A Salmon
Wildlife Images in Oregon will let you name a salmon after your ex this holiday season. Why a salmon, you ask? Wildlife Images will graciously feed that salmon to their 1,000 lb brown bears Kodi and Yak. For a $20 donation, you will receive a certificate, as well as photos of Kodi and Yak literally tearing into your ex.
2. A Cockroach
The El Paso Zoo created the "Quit Bugging Me" meerkat event where you can name a cockroach after your ex, and the zoo will feed it to a meerkat. Let that sink in for a moment.
Just message the zoo on Facebook, and they'll take care of the rest. The zoo will be displaying the names of everyone's exes on social media (honestly tea) and at 2:15 p.m. on Valentine's Day they will livestream the feeding on Facebook.
You can also name a roach at the Hemsley Conservation Centre for “your, or your friend’s worthless ex-someone". For only $2, you will receive a certificate that says "I’ve named a cockroach at the Hemsley Conservation Centre in the not so loving memory of my worthless ex!”
3. A Snake
For the truly toxic ghosts of relationships past, the Wild Life Sydney Zoo wants to name one of the world's most venomous snakes after your ex. For only $1 (yes, that's it), you can enter a raffle to name this dangerous reptile after your ex to commemorate their status as a snake.
Your donation will go to the Wild Life Conservation Fund, and all you have to do is fill out an entry form with your ex's name, and why they should have the snake named for them. If you win, you'll receive a certificate, and an annual Wild Life Zoo pass to be able to visit the snake for free every day for the next year.
4. A Worm
You've got plenty of options at the Richmond Wildlife Center. For only $2 you can name a mealworm, beetle, or waxworm that will be fed to the other, cuter animals. If your ex was seriously the worst, and a regular mealworm won't do, you can make a $5 donation and name a hornworm after them.
"Your worthless ex can finally do something nice. Their namesake [is] helping us to feed the animals in our care," the center posted on its Facebook page.
And of course, make sure to follow the wildlife center on Facebook to watch your worm get eaten.
5. A Madagascar Hissing Cockroach
If one cockroach just isn't enough, consider two! The Bronx Zoo will name a Madagascar hissing cockroach after your ex for $15, and will send you an e-certificate of proof that you can forward to your ex. On top of that, they have merch, including beanies, mugs, and pins.
"After the chocolates have been eaten and the flowers wilt, roaches remain thriving and triumphant. Give the gift that’s eternal and Name a Roach for Valentine’s Day," the Bronx Zoo site says.
There you have it — hornworms, venomous snakes, cockroaches, and more. Who ever said Valentine's Day post-bad breakup couldn't be the best one yet?