'Avengers' Sex Toys Are Here, So You Can Be A Superhero In Bed
If something is popular enough, sooner or later it will be made into a sex toy. That's probably why Geeky Sex Toys, a sex toy retailer, came out with a line of Avengers sex toys. It was only a matter of time. So if you know a super fan or you just want to haunt someone's nightmares, there are a lot of Avenger-themed sex toys to choose from that would make the perfect gift. Well, they would make some kind of gift.
And I have to say, it's a pretty comprehensive line. The prices range from $55 to $120 and the toys offer a lot of different ways to play. I'm not completely convinced that adding a superhero theme makes sex toys any hotter, but then again a Donald Trump butt plug exists, so really — who am I to judge?
The line is called The Indulgers: Pleasure War, which I love — though I'm not sure if they're fighting a war on pleasure or a war for the most pleasure, so let's hope it's the latter. But I'm warning you, these are very NSFW and some of them look pretty intense and may be burned into your pupils for the rest of time. Don't say I didn't warn you.
If you want to check out the line, here are the Avengers-themed sex toys out now.
1. HawkAss – Arrow Dildo
I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of having "dildo" and "arrow" in the same product, because it makes me feel a lot like I"m going to be impaled, but this toy looks safe and satisfying. If you're not experienced with sex toys — let alone Avengers sex toys — this might be a good place to start.
"Perfect for anybody looking to embark on their first strap on adventure," the site says — so it's good match for an adventurous beginner.
2. Captain Anal
OK, so I know that this sex toy isn't based on Captain Planet, but if you don't see that name and think "Captain Anal, he's our hero, gonna bring pollution down to zero", then we can't be friends. I have to say, it looks like a pretty good butt plug, though, if your butt really wants to show how much it loves America.
3. The Incredible Dong
Hot damn. I know that you're probably thinking about the green and the veins, but those aren't actually the most startling thing about this sex toy. This dildo has a insertable length of 8.5", plus a slightly terrifying circumference of 7.8″. Hulky indeed. This one is for the brave.
4. Agent Getsmeoff
The most expensive toy in the collection is also a damn powerful one. Not only is it a male masturbator, it has a vibrating option that will totally change up the experience. And, for your convenience, you can charge it up with a USB. Welcome to the damn future. It's terrifying.
Know someone who loves dildos but also loves hammers of destruction? Well, the Möan-lnir can take care of both. Slightly less terrifying than The Incredible Dong, this only has a 5" circumference and 7" insertable inches. Still more than enough to have a good time.
6. Infinity Fist
For someone who just doesn't think they have enough fists made out of solid gold in their life, this dildo is the only sex toy I've ever seen that can fill that gap. In fact, with a circumference of 10.25", I'm guessing it can fill any gap. I'm wincing just thinking about it.
7. Arse Reactor
Why does a butt plug need to be glow in the dark, you say? Why DOESN'T it need to glow in the dark, I say. This plug comes in two sizes with a glow in the dark base, perfect for spicing things up over having a really weird game of tag, which ever floats your boat.
I don't know what I was expecting from a range of Avengers sex toys, but I'm pretty sure it should have been this. If you want to feel like a superhero — or just test your strength and flexibility — than these toys can make it happen. Just make sure you stretch first.