In Praise Of Lisa Vanderpump's Unabashed Thirst For The New 'Pump Rules' Bar-Back

God bless Lisa Vanderpump, who has instilled the perfect combination of love and fear into her Vanderpump Rules SURvers. That usually just results in a lot of puppy-eyed begging when they inevitably mess up, but LVP has one new employee whipped into particularly good shape. So much so that in the Feb. 10. episode, she convinced him to hold a rainbow umbrella over her head for the entirety of the L.A. Pride parade...shirtless. I could only aspire to reach the level of boss lady that Lisa has ascended to.

The SURvent in question is Brett Caprioni, who joined the show this season as a bar-back. Lisa revealed in the previous episode that she also decided to hire Brett as her personal "trainer," although it wasn't the working out part that she was interested in. "What I think, you know, is energizing, is that somebody [who] is absolutely f***ing gorgeous is very attentive to me," she explained. "And all I have to do for that is pay him $100 an hour? Now if I could just work it [out] so that I don't even have to do a bloody sit-up, that would be perfect."

For $100 an hour, Lisa should also have Brett make her tea, bathe the swans, and be her pool guy, but I digress.

Since then, Lisa has basically made Brett her assistant and her personal eye candy. He comes to Villa Rosa at her beck and call for training sessions, to make Pride posters, and for basically anything else she requests him to do. You almost want to feel sorry for him, until you remember he was involved in a racist tweet scandal. OK, sure, he apologized for it, but karma is karma, my friend! Sorry not sorry to this man, and praise queen LVP.