If you grew up in the aughts, you probably fantasized about being one of three things: the child of someone famous, a vampire, or a precocious, fast-talking high school detective like Veronica Mars. While obviously, everyone aspired to be just like the proto-badass Veronica, the dudes in her life are just as conversation-worthy. So conversation-worthy that they've sparked a full-scale debate between me and my editor that must be committed to the internet.
To be entirely honest, I'm a very recent disciple of the show. Granted, I grew up with everyone and their mother telling me I had to get into it, but for some reason I can't explain, I just never got around to it. Now, with the entire series streaming for free on go90, I officially have no excuse to avoid the show. And boy, am I glad to have finally seen the light of the show because I went in on it, as did my senior Branded Entertainment Editor and partner in all things bingeable Stephan Lee.
After watching, Stephan and I had many, many thoughts. Many of these thoughts were centered around "oh my God how did it take me this long to watch this show?!" But to spare you the full gchat thread, I'll present to you our debate about the men in Veronica's life, as it took place in the only civilized place to debate matters of importance — a Google Doc.
SL: So in purely superficial terms, Logan gets my vote for the No. 1 dude from Veronica Mars. In the early seasons, that mussed-up boyband hair and puka shell necklace combo was an unclockable look for its time, and he just got better from there.
AD: I hear you there, Logan is a heartthrob of the aughts if ever one existed. Oh, and he definitely exclusively wore flip flops and no other kinds of footwear — the true mark of a 00’s hottie. However, I will never forgive Logan for the house party body shot incident of 2004.
SL: Oh, the body shots were unforgivable, not to mention highly problematic. It was definitely a low. But every love-again-hate-again relationship has its high highs, like when he’s punching the crap out of Veronica’s attackers, and the low lows, like the time Veronica accused him of murder and had him arrested. You know, everyday relationship drama.
AD: True… That love/hate thing was so Shakespearean! What a saga they had. The thing is that, in terms of how much he respected her, Duncan was definitely the winner. I know he was a moody sad boy, but boy did he love Veronica.
SL: Yeah, you never love the perfect TV boyfriends. You love the absurdly flawed ones who cause all the drama and low-key ruin the heroine’s life on the reg. Also, side note: I’ll never understand why Logan had a kind of Jersey accent in the first few episodes and it faded away forever.
AD: I feel like that Jersey accent signified that he was not like everybody else, cause they were living in California? Or maybe it was sort of a “wise guy” play-acting thing. Also, I feel like we need to talk about the guy that was always there for V — Wallace.
SL: YES. I’m a Wallace-Veronica shipper for life.
AD: I love Wallace. Wallace for president. But Wallace and Veronica, I don’t know if I ship them. I think they’re platonic like Plutonium forever.
SL: That’s true. Like a lot of Marshmallows, I think I want them to get together, but I really don’t. They’re the perfect friends, and he was the genuinely sweet unicorn in the sea of Neptune narcissists.
AD: A total unicorn!! And I love the way they help each other out… And their origin story. Like, if they were relationship compatible, their whole “meet-cute” of her cutting him down from having been duct-taped to that flagpole would have been gold.
SL: My favorite moments were the times he stood up to Veronica. He was loyal but not a lapdog.
AD: True, and Veronica (though she is my sun and my stars) is not an easy person to stand up to. If she were my friend, I would be kind of afraid of her. Empowered by her, but I’d always let her hold the remote.
SL: Yes, and he was never afraid to rat Logan out to Veronica when he was up to his usual foolishness. Any girl needs a guy like that in her life. Now, to talk about the type of guy I don’t need ...
AD: You talkin’ bout Piz? Mister Piznarski if ya nasty?
SL: Ha, I’m in such the minority here. I know Piz is probably better for Veronica than Logan, but after so many years of watching Logan, lusting for Logan, yelling through my TV screen at Logan, I’ve become accustomed to his face. I have always been and always will be all about LoVe.
AD: I just feel like Piz is Veronica’s intellectual equal! Or at least like, her equal in terms of ambition, ‘cause he has a radio show and an offbeat, sarcastic sense of humor. Logan's more of a one night stand candidate IMHO.
SL: HAHA you’re absolutely right. I mean, in real life, I’d obviously advise a friend to go for the Piz and ditch the Logan. Piz is sweet, he’s a nerd -- I love that he loves his radio show! -- and he has the personality of a fluffy puppy. But when I see the movie — which I’m now dying to see — I’ll be rooting for the silent brooding type, which I have no patience for in the real world.
AD: Yeah, the Duncans of the world really are great in theory and awful in practice. Know who the real winner is? Keith Mars for making his daughter his mentee in vigilante justice and not treating her like some fragile little doll.
SL: True. Real talk: I find Mr. Mars weirdly attractive. And most of the guys of Veronica Mars are pretty great … minus Troy. Good thing Veronica ditched that pathological liar/drug dealer season 1. I’ve NEVER met a Troy shipper, but I guess they may exist somewhere?
AD: Troy shippers are monsters. Everyone knows it. But yeah, while I love Mr. Mars, I’m not sure of my like, physical attraction to him. But I can say that the man is a mensch, and knows how to raise a great daughter.
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