One can only imagine what it would be like to have the brain of one Veronica Mars. Just a GPA point shy of winning a Stanford scholarship, the super sleuth was always able to decode a case and turn a fancy phrase with a wide variety of witty quips. Outside of a WB show, it’s hard to have a mind that sharp. But thanks to this particular WB show, you can definitely fake it by co-opting a few of Veronica Mars’ most clever quotes.
Whether you want to have a biting comeback or you need a smooth way to hand out advice, our girl has got you covered. Of course, sass is really Veronica's forte, and there’s plenty of that, but our little marshmallow has also been known to get deep every once in a while. Whatever the (oddly specific) situation you find yourself in, she probably has you covered. And if not? Well, you have time to marathon watch the entire series for inspiration again, right?
So the next time you want to inject some snark, some sensibility, some sarcasm, or just some general smarts into your language, feel free to use these fine lines from the mouth of Veronica Mars.
1. When Your Mother Dismisses You As "Only 23" When You're 25
"Mmm... senility... that comes with age, too, right?"
2. When You're Boasting About Your Facebook Stalking Prowess
"My after school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims."
3. When You're Pretty Sure Your Younger Brother Drenched Himself In Body Spray Before His Date
“Umm, did you trip and fall onto sandalwood, musk, and a hint of spicy citrus, or is that cologne?"
4. When You And Your Friend Are Getting The Eye From Creeps At Applebee's
"The best way to keep a guy at least 10 feet away? Dry heave. Vomit is the new mace."
5. When Your Dude Friend Is Talking About His New Barista Crush
"So we're straight, this girl you love: you don't know where she lives, who she's marrying, or, if I understand correctly, her name."
6. When You Catch Your Roommate Wearing Your Favorite Jacket
"You come here to confess? Is that your tail I see between your legs?"
7. When You're Being Urged To Re-Download Tinder
"If true love comes looking for me, I'll be over by the espresso machine."
8. When Your Uncle Is Bragging About Driving A Prius And Protecting The Environment Even Though He Litters
"Well, I wanna congratulate you, shake your hand. Congratulations. You've been named the world's biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition of your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo. You're gonna die friendless and alone."
9. When Some Dudebro On Twitter Dismisses You As "Some Stupid Chick"
"Actually, did you know that on average, girls develop faster than boys and have higher levels of cognitive functioning, including math calculation, written language, and verbal fluency?"
10. When You're Encouraging Your Bestie To Tap Her Inside Connection To Get A Job Interview
"Sometimes opportunity doesn't knock. It waits for everyone to go to lunch and sneaks in using a key."
11. When You Have To Defend Your Decision To Not Have A New Year's Resolution
"Someone just needs to change the name to 'Same Old Years Eve.' Because that 'new', implying all that hope and promise, it's not fooling anyone."
12. And When You're Willing To Put Away The Snark And Believe In Human Goodness For Once
"I think we all learned a valuable lesson about faith. You give it to the people you love. But the people who really deserve it, are the ones who come through even when you don't love them enough."
D'aww. A real Twinkie, this one.
Images: Warner Bros. Television; Giphy (12)