Captain Holt's Vacation T-Shirts From The 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' Season 6 Premiere Show How Much He's Hurting

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Spoilers for Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 6, Episode 1 "Honeymoon" There's nothing funnier than seeing Captain Raymond Holt (Andre Braugher) out of his element, and he's certainly a fish out of water in the Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 6 premiere. The show picks up right where it left off — with Holt about to tell everyone whether he got the police commissioner job. At first, the policeman believes he did, then realizes he read the email wrong and lost to his opponent, John Kelly. This sends the captain spiraling into depression, but when newlyweds Amy (Melissa Fumero) and Jake (Andy Samberg) arrive at a Mexican resort for their honeymoon (using the code GINA30 at checkout, of course), the cap himself is sitting in the lounge. In the next several days, Amy and Jake are subjected to a veritable feast for the eyes in the form of Captain Holt's novelty T-shirts.

As for how their boss serendipitously showed up at the same Mexican resort as them, he cites Gina and her aggressive referrals. The depressed Holt tells the couple that after he learned the commissioner news, he found himself driving to the airport instead of work. "I didn't even pack a bag," he explains. "I bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop." Although it may seem out-of-character for Raymond to wear such...colorful... clothing, it's soon clear that he's not in the best place and couldn't care less about keeping it together.

Seeing the normally buttoned-up captain in these shirts is just something you can't unsee. Here are all five of his fabulously terrible tops.

The "Funny" Fluorescent Tank

Screenshot via NBC

Jake and Amy first catch a glimpse of their boss in a blinding, fuschia tank, which looks like something that a teenage girl would buy on vacation at Myrtle Beach. "This one says, 'What's up, beaches?' Instead of 'b*tches' for humor reasons," Holt explains to them.

When Santiago points out that the captain hates humor, he retorts, "Well I'm a joke now, so it suits me."

The Incredibly Realistic Muscle Shirt

Screenshot via NBC

Wearing a top that looks a little too much like Terry's physique, Holt bums out Jake and Amy during their romantic, candlelit dinner. "Don't worry, I'm not listening to you," he assures them unconvincingly. "I'm just thinking about how the sea bass is cold — but not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness."

His depressing statement is undercut, however, by the rippling shoulder muscles printed onto his tank.

The Bilingual Number

Screenshot via NBC

While the honeymooners are getting a relaxing massage (although the hot rocks keep falling off Jake's butt because he's so tense), Holt bursts in. He's wearing a "DTF — Down To Fiesta" — shirt and asks, "Tell me, what is it about me that screams 'loser?'"

The Tequila Enthusiast

Screenshot via NBC

Jake runs into the captain while he's participating in the best part of every vacation — reviewing the charges. His lime green number could double as a reflective vest, it's so fluorescent. The shirt, of course, reads "1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Floor!!!"

The Slutty Pineapple

Screenshot via NBC

Naturally, Boyle sent the honeymooners a box full of sex toys, which the couple dubs, "Boyle's Box Of Horrors." After reaching their limit with Holt, Amy and Jake tie up their depressed hero, only to have him escape using some lube from said sex box. However, the cop explains that the product got everywhere, forcing him to change into yet another novelty tee.

Jake is mesmerized by this yellow number but is ultimately confused by the message. "Your new shirt is very aggressive and confusing," he says. "Is the pineapple the slut, or is it calling someone else a slut?" Holt responds, "Clearly the pineapple is the slut."

Peralta's clearly a fan of the thong-clad fruit tee, because he later asks his boss, "Just out of curiosity, asking for a friend, where did you get the shirt, and how much did it cost?"

Fortunately for the 9-9, but sadly for viewers, Holt decides to return to the precinct, leaving his fluorescent, sexual, and pun-filled vacation garb behind. But though he may don his police uniform again, Jake and Amy will never forget the sight of their captain filled with ennui, sipping tropical cocktails, and wearing a shirt emblazoned with the phrase, "What's Up, Beaches?" In that respect, they'll always have Mexico, and so will we.