He with the voice of an angel and a coiffure that could send a shiver down Steve Harrington’s spine has some news for us, and it’s just as sweet as a kiwifruit. Mark every last one of your calendars, because Harry Styles' "Kiwi" music video will be out next Wednesday, according to the star. The rollicking jam, which has inspired fans to lovingly toss the egg-shaped fruit at Styles while he performs (don't do it!), is the third single off of the One Direction member’s debut solo record. The forthcoming music video will be the follow-up to “Two Ghosts.” Oh, and the first photo of the "Kiwi" music video is as adorable as it is surprising.
On Friday, Styles took to his various social media accounts and wrote, "// NOVEMBER.8 // KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI KIWI." He paired the not-so-cryptic message with a photo of a bunch of grade schoolers posing for a class photo in the middle of a gymnasium. Oh, and Styles is standing to the side of the risers just like a teacher would on class picture day? Oh, and one of the kids appears to be wearing the miniature version of the Gucci suit that Styles picked out for class picture day? Oh, and a few of the other kids are sporting very Styles-esque ensembles for class picture day? Oh, and everything about it is really charming and lovely and wonderful and ugh Styles is just perfect?
Ah, yes. All of that is happening in this here photograph.
If this image is indeed a snapshot that was taken while Styles was filming the to-be-released music video, then it looks like there will be kids in the singer's next music video. Well, that sure is adorable. Sounds like a fun and wholesome and cute and… Oh, wait. This is the music video for “Kiwi”? As in, that "Kiwi"? As in, track number seven off of his self-titled debut album? As in, the song that includes lyrics such as:
“It's New York, baby, always jacked up
Holland Tunnel for a nose, it's always backed up”
“She sits beside me like a silhouette
Hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet
And now she's all over me, it's like I paid for itIt's like I paid for it, I'm gonna pay for this”
“Driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it
I'm kinda into it
It's getting crazy, I think I'm losing it, I think I'm losing it
Oh, I think she said "I'm having your baby, it's none of your business"
And do not forget:
“When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus”
Yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. Let all of the double entendres, innuendos, and thinly veiled allusions to drug use sink in. Not to go all pearl-clutching on you, but uh… this song is not exactly G-rated. Or PG-rated. And it's certainly safe to bet that the lyrics to "Kiwi" are not about students dressing up just like Mr. Styles on class picture day. Bearing all of this in mind, putting a bunch of kids in the music video for this song seems like a… choice. A truly surprising choice.
Of course, this Instagram photo could be a red herring, an image that actually has nothing to do with the music video that's for a song about a woman who “worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes/Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.”
Whatever the case may be, the answer shall be revealed on Nov. 8. And when the video does arrive, maybe think twice before throwing a kiwifruit.