It seems like it should be easy to tell how much sex you "should" be having, but many of us seem to worry whether we're having enough at some point in our relationship. Part of the problem comes from mismatched sex drives, when one of you wants more than the other. And remember, there's no "normal" sex drive to have. "A healthy sex drive is different for each person," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. "Overall, it's when we feel balanced in our desire (it feels good to us, as opposed to something being off whether too high or low) and sexually fulfilled whether it's alone or with a partner."
But what if you and your partner have different needs? New research from Cosmopolitan seems to suggest that it's a common problem. A really common problem. The survey of 1,162 respondents ages 20 to 29 found that 52 percent of married Millennials wish that they were having more sex. That's a whole lot of people who are feeling less than satisfied by their current sexual situation. And the more you look at the numbers, the more interesting it becomes. Here's what else they found — because marriage may really change things.
There Was A Definite Post-Marriage Drop
OK, so before marriage most couples reported having sex two to three times per week. But the percentage having sex that regularly dropped from 60 percent pre-marriage to 43 percent after marriage. So maybe tying the know helps when it comes to tax breaks, but it doesn't seem to do you favors in the bedroom. “There was definitely a drop-off after the first few months of marriage,” said one of the respondents. “Right after the wedding, it was great, we were having sex all the time. But now, there are just so many times when one of us feels stressed out and just wants to go to sleep.”
Men Were More Likely To Want More Sex Than Women
Sixty-two percent of men said that they wanted more sex, which is more than the (still not insignificant) 47 percent of women who wanted more sex. That may have something to do with the fact that women's sex drives can decrease in a long-term relationship — or maybe it's just that more of them are feeling satisfied.
But Their Relationships Are Still Happy
Sixty-four percent of respondents said that their marriage was extremely happy and 29 percent said that they were somewhat happy, so it looks like sex isn't everything. In fact, only six percent of people said that they found their spouse less attractive now than they did before they tied the know, so there's definitely still a chance to keep that spark alive.
Sex is an important part of a relationship but, no matter how much effort you put in to keeping the spark alive, it's not unusual for things to slide at some point. Put in some effort to make enough time for each other and keep incorporating new surprises and your marriage will stay happy, even if your sex life drops from time to time. You can always get it back — and have fun trying.