How To Avoid Having The Same Fights Over And Over Again In Your Relationship

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Fighting with your partner is the worst. It's sometimes necessary and even healthy to argue. But if you find that you keep rehashing the same issues over and over again, it can take a toll on your relationship. So what can you do to avoid having the same fights all the time? Experts say there are a few key things you can do.

If you and your partner keep fighting over the same thing, it's natural to assume that something is clearly wrong in the relationship. But as Mark B. Borg, Jr., Ph.D., clinical psychologist and co-author of Irrelationship tells Bustle, "Sometimes the fact that important issues come up again and again means less about things being wrong with the couple, and more about giving whatever the underlying issues that trigger and drive the fights their due."

In other words, your past emotional baggage may be the reason why you find yourself fighting with your partner over the same things. According to Dr. Borg, we often choose partners that we feel safe enough with so we can work through our unresolved emotional conflicts.

For instance, if you constantly get triggered by your partner not having enough time for the relationship, you may have dealt with neglect or abandonment in the past. "Psychoanalysts generally believe that the mind has a tendency to seek out repetition and then re-enact such dynamic in our most salient relationships," Dr. Borg says.

The good news is, you can break out of this. So here are some things you can do if you and your partner keep fighting over the same things, according to experts.