How To Make The First Move, According To Experts, Because We All Know How Scary It Can Be
Love Island may have its fair share of drama, secret romances, and heart ache but if it's good for one thing, it really gets me in the mood for romance. My dating app use must spike as I watch the islanders lie around and flirt with each other all day long. But, in reality, no matter how confident you are, approaching your crush is scary. However, it is 2019 and time for you to go out and get what you want. So here are some tips on how to make the first move, based on advice from experts, because it isn’t always as simple as a re-coupling.
Working out how to make the first move with someone when marching up to them and saying hello sounds far too daunting, and can be enough to put you off going over to them all together. However, Dating Coach Hayley Quinn has an expert system to deal with the problem.
“If you're attracted to someone you spot in real life who you have never spoken to before, apply the VEP," Quinn says.
What VEP I hear you ask? Well, it's simple:
- Get VISIBLE: walk past them and make sure they see you.
- Smile and maintain EYE CONTACT to invite them to speak to you.
- Use PROXIMITY to get closer to them. Often, when given enough of a prompt, someone will also approach you.
When it comes to asking someone out, confidence can get you a long way. But, if you have never asked someone on a date, it's natural you would be scared. But your potential date doesn’t need to know that, so try to keep a cool head. As Jean Smith, the dating expert behind Flirtology.com, says: "Studies have shown it takes only a few seconds to make a first impression. Upon first meeting us, people pick up clues about us both consciously and subconsciously. They only know what we tell them, so project yourself in the way you’d like to be perceived."
As with most difficult things in life: practice makes perfect. Quinn says, “the more you do things like saying hello to someone you like, you send a clear message to yourself that you're an action taker, and you build a feedback loop where you really trust yourself.”
The act of going over to a stranger to see if they would like to go for a drink might not be something you do everyday but if you do it in places that you feel comfortable, it can really ease the process. Quinn says, “if you go out to meet people in places you would go to spend time in anyway, there's a higher likelihood of you having something in common. So, if you love your local area, stick to local bars and coffee shops. If you're a fitness fan, head to a new class.”
So, what about once you've locked a date down? It's an exciting time, but it also comes with a fresh set of worries: what if they don't like me? And what if I don't like them? What if, once they start talking, I actually find out they're different from what I thought? Well, Quinn has some great advice for this too:
- Stay open minded. The person you end up with is rarely the one who you had the best first date with.
- Give things time and don't jump to conclusions.
- Forget worrying about commitment. You don't even know if you like them yet. The first few dates are about having fun and seeing if you connect.
With these tips, you should be all set to approach that special someone you've been crushing on. Just keep in mind that feeling confident in yourself and knowing your self worth is top priority. Give yourself time, dig out your nice top and jeans, and remember to have fun.