Hark! The wind whispers “yaaas” as autumn descends upon us and with it a cascade of all things pumpkin spice. It’s fall! Sweater weather! Getting hard again for cardigans! Most notably, the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back. Starbucks’ seasonal magnum opus has come to comfort us for the long winter ahead. But in case it’s not quite cool enough for a hot drink where you live (the climate seems to be...changing?), you can get your pumpkin spice fix in upgraded frappuccino form with a Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino. Yes, a drink that is essentially a piece of pumpkin cheesecake in a cup. Accept it. Embrace it. Welcome the Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino into your life, heart, and body. Make it your meditation mantra or perhaps your new safe word.
Starbucks already offers a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino, which is fine and good if you only love yourself a little or just want consume a measly 73 grams of sugar. But if you truly want to succumb to fall, nestle into its autumnally-spiced bosom, the Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino is your gateway drink. However, it’s only on the secret menu, so you’ll also have to be okay with holding up the line as you explain your order and life choices to the barista.
Thankfully, the recipe for the Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino is fairly straightforward, according to the Starbucks Secret Menu. Telling you how to to order it kind of feels illegal, like telling you how to make meth, but alas, here we go: Order a tall creme-based Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino. Ask for one pump of Cinnamon Dolce syrup, beg for one scoop of vanilla bean powder, and politely plead for a single pump of white mocha sauce. Voila. A Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino. Tell a friend. Tell a stranger. If you don’t pass on the recipe in seven days, you’ll probably turn into a pumpkin and not the yummy drinkable kind.
Unsurprisingly, the Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino is a pretty sugary, even for the most dedicated of PSL fans. If you want a slightly less sweet version of the drink, Cosmopolitan recommends ordering a vanilla bean Frappuccino and adding two pumps of pumpkin sauce.
Pair your Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino with pumpkin spice Oreos or pumpkin pie M&Ms or perhaps some pumpkin pie spice Pringles. If you’re worried about breaking a sweat while trying to down your frappuccino, have no fear: Pumpkin Spice deodorant is here. You could also just eat an actual slice of Pumpkin Cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory, which will probably cost you about as much as the drink. Or you could do both. To each their own pumpkin spice experience.