There's nothing more magical than being so super connected to your partner that you happen to orgasm at the same time during sex. You both came! Which is great considering that the orgasm gap is unfortunately alive and well. Although Cosmopolitan says simultaneous orgasms are like the "Bigfoot of sex moves," a new Lovehoney survey found that more people have experienced it than you probably think.
Online sex toy retailer, Lovehoney recently conducted a survey of 4,400 adults living in the U.K. What they found was 90 percent of couples have achieved a shared orgasm at some point in their relationship. While Lovehoney's sex expert, Jess Wilde called the news "fantastic," which it is, they also found that shared orgasms only happen about a third of the time for couples in long-term relationships.
The survey also found further proof that the orgasm gap is huge. Nearly 75 percent of men say they orgasm almost every single time they have sex in comparison to only 28 percent of women. That's why the company is currently pushing their "Mind the Gap" campaign, which aims to help couples share more orgasms between them.
"If you're trying to reach orgasm at the same time you have to communicate to one another where you are in the process," psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, Kristie Overstreet tells Bustle. If you're looking to close the orgasm gap in your relationship, here are some ways you and your partner can try orgasming at the same time:
1. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Did I mention communicate? For instance, if your partner tells you they're close to coming and you're not quite there yet, you need to tell them to slow down so they can get more in pace with where you are in the process.
"Don’t be afraid to speak up about how close or how far away you are from orgasm," Overstreet says. "This will help both of you in the timing of reaching orgasm."
2. Don't Make Timing The Ultimate Goal
Set realistic goals. "You don’t have to set your goal of achieving an orgasm together right at the same minute," Overstreet says. "It's OK if one of you reaches it first, then the other reaches theirs within a minute or so."
This is still considered reaching an orgasm together. "This makes it more attainable and puts less pressure on the couple to achieve orgasm at the very same moment," Overstreet says.
3. Know What Makes Each Other Feel Good
This is definitely another reason why communication during sex is important. "If you know exactly how to turn your partner on and they know the same for you then it’s makes reaching orgasm together much easier," Overstreet says.
So make sure to explore what type of touch, motion, or actions your partner likes and vice versa. In order to make sex good for both of you, it needs to be thought of like teamwork, not a competition. You need to help each other out. If you do this for one another, Overstreet says, you have the best chance of reaching that orgasm together.
4. Don't Expect It To Happen Often
The best part of simultaneously orgasming with a partner is the fact that it's usually a surprise. While it definitely feels great to work towards a goal and achieve it, surprises limit your chances of feeling disappointed if it doesn't turn out the way you want.
"Don’t be unrealistic in your expectations for simultaneous orgasms," Overstreet says. "It is highly unlikely that these will happen often. It takes practice in communicating, foreplay, timing, and patience."
5. Always Remember That More Pressure Leads To Fewer Results
I think this piece of advice can be applied to anything when it comes to sex, but if you put pressure on yourself or your partner to experience an orgasm together then you have it all wrong. "Pressure during sex or foreplay can feel like work," Overstreet says. "You are encouraged to have a conversation about wanting to experience an orgasm at the same time but don’t pressure yourself or your partner."
If sex feels like work, it's a lot less enjoyable. So cut yourself and your partner some slack. Don't expect too much. Just enjoy it. Enjoy being together, focus on what's happening in the moment, and maybe you'll find that orgasm gap closing in no time. Because that's the ultimate goal we should all strive for.