Jordan's 10 Best Quotes From 'The Bachelorette' Are The Perfect 'Zoolander' Homage
Only four episodes into the latest installment of the Bachelorette franchise, any devoted viewer could likely fill a book with contestant Jordan's memorable lines. The male model definitely isn't lacking confidence. This season's best quotes from Jordan on The Bachelorette prove that even if he might not seem like the type to make it all the way to the end of the road with Becca, he's still one of the most entertaining things about this season.
Jordan can seem like an outrageous character at first glance, and he's gotten on the nerves of some of the other guys in the house. But the fun of watching Jordan comes from the fact that ultimately, he seems to be harmless, and he's also one of the only reasons there have been any laughs this season. Between his trolling of the other contestants and the fact that he's willingly run around the mansion in his underwear, it's kind of amazing to see how much he throws everyone off their games.
Viewers are already deeming Jordan a fan favorite. "This season would have been very boring without Jordan," wrote one Reddit user, Lois_and_the_love. Another user, okmissthing12, said, "He's my favorite. Not in like I want him to win favorite, but just my favorite. He makes me laugh every episode and I'll miss him when he gets eliminated."
Won't we all? But no matter when Jordan's time on the show comes to an end, fans can take comfort in how many words of wisdom he's already dished out.
"I got a notification one day — it said, 'Congratulations. You've reached 4,000 matches on Tinder in 2017.'"
This one was genuinely flabbergasting, and I have so many questions. How many hours on Tinder would it take to cultivate such a presence? How many of these women did he actually meet up with? That's an average of 11 matches per day! One city only has so many women!
Regardless of the validity of the statement, it certainly riled up the other guys. David ended up telling Becca about the whole thing — and he looked even sillier than Jordan for caring so much about it.
"Cheers to you being a bitch."
This is a classic putdown. Jordan doled out this line to David after David took serious issue with Jordan's bragging about his Tinder matches. The fact that Jordan clinked his cocktail glass and did a literal "cheers" before walking away truly locks this one in as my personal favorite thing he's ever uttered. And really, David was overreacting — was tattling to Becca about Jordan's Tinder presence really necessary?
"The power is in the brows."
He's not wrong. The 26-year-old male model from Crystal River, Florida, granted audiences this self-care tip during his introduction, when he talked about how important his looks were to his career (obviously). Now everyone is in on his secret.
"My brand is the pensieve gentleman."
First of all, it's amazing that Jordan is so zeroed in on what his brand is, and a look at Jordan's modeling shots suggests that he's ... kind of nailed it. He's definitely staring off into the distance while wearing fancy suits a lot.
"Modeling is so much more than being ridiculously good looking."
This line is practically straight out of Zoolander, and Jordan has to know that. He might be playing all of us by putting on a bit of a character while he's onscreen, but if that's the case, at least he's doing it well.
"Don't try this at home, guys. This is done by a professional."
The line itself isn't altogether noteworthy, but it's made so much funnier in context: After delivering the zinger, he simply walked in a straight line and turned around.
"I'm out here like a surgeon — just doing my thing."
I don't fully understand how simply "doing his thing" qualifies Jordan to compare himself to a surgeon. Why was that the first occupation to come to mind? Do people in other jobs not "do their thing"? It's a pretty arbitrary line of work to choose without further explanation, but you know what? I don't care. Jordan is doing his thing.
"I'm much like a sponge. You can squeeze me and get everything out of me, but you'll never know unless you try."
What does it mean? This is the kind of nonsensical half-thought that I adore. It's like he's saying that he's easy to get to know and get information from if someone just gives him a little nudge — like a sponge — but somehow the notion isn't fully formed. And he offers no additional context, other than that the guys in the house don't know him well yet. It's perfect.
"Before you put your socks on in the morning ... put the confidence on."
It is incredible that Becca didn't burst out laughing on the spot, but she seemed to really take his advice to heart, and Jordan seemed to genuinely mean it when he said it. He's shown he's a master of confidence, so maybe it's legit advice.
"I wanted Becca to hear the tapping of the shoes I wore, because that's just like the heartbeat of a gentleman."
This was another line dropped just after Jordan met Becca and walked into the mansion. He was extremely proud of his shoes and his outfit, which he told the other guys he spent hours choosing, and this line was further evidence. How soon until a luxury shoe brand hires him to write advertising copy? Becca noted to the camera that he had fun shoes, so the impression was not lost on her.
It's easy to poke fun at Jordan, but when push comes to shove, he's plenty more interesting and entertaining than most of the other contestants this season, at least in terms of what viewers are shown after the footage makes its way through editing. He's a little goofy and kind of unbelievable sometimes, but there's a pretty good chance that Jordan knows exactly what he's doing.