If the fifth season of Vanderpump Rules was a car, it would be Lisa Vanderpump’s summer Porsche zipping up and down a thrilling, occasionally nerve-racking mountain highway. And a whole bunch of hills, er, episodes later, it has arrived at its destination: Katie and Tom Schwartz’s wedding. On Monday’s Season 5 finale (no, that's not the wind howling. That’s just me reluctantly screaming goodbye to this fantastic season), the Bubbas’ long-awaited big day finally happened. The tea towel save the dates, the nameless RSVPs, the “he’s like a battered wife” bathroom door kick, and the triplet surprise mayhem all helped usher us toward this moment. And now we here and nestled in its woodsy elegant bosom.
The finale began up where last Monday’s penultimate episode ended: The Pump Rules cast was at a wedding ceremony some miles outside of Lake Tahoe. Officiant Vanderpump said some sweet words, Schwartz said some sweet words, Katie said some sweet words, rings were exchanged, and Sandoval cried into Butter the dog's fur. I might’ve teared up (ugh, you got me two weeks in a row, Pump Rules).
Here are my favorite moments:
- When Lisa called Schwartz “Bubba.”
- When Kristen got all sorts of emotional thinking about when Schwartz and Katie first met.
- When Katie and Schwartz said their vows.
- When Lisa told Peter to tell Stassi to go to the buffet and dish her up a plate.
- When Stassi served Lisa. You know, for old times' sake.
- When Schwartz's brother Billy decided he needed to give two toasts.
- When Schwartz called Billy “Ol’ Billy Two Speech."
- “Said nobody ever.”
- When Lisa asked Schwartz and Sandoval if they’d like to open a bar called Tom Tom. G'bless. Lisa is so good at what she does.
- When Sandoval grabbed his trumpet, joined the wedding band onstage, and attempted to play along.
- When one member of the wedding band asked Sandoval to stop blasting the trumpet in his ear.
- “It’s your wedding day. You lick it off whether you’re a nose guy or not.”
But the moment that really did a number on me?
Thank you, Sandoval. Thank you, Butter. Thank you, GIF.