I tried to avoid it. I really did. I resisted with all of my might. But, alas, this one is both too weird and horrifying for me to skip: Mac and cheese-flavored candy canes exist. They hail from Seattle-based novelty store Archie McPhee, and, well… let’s just say that I regret the fact that I haven’t had lunch yet today. Because now I kind of, uh, don’t want it.
My taste buds are sad.
There is, truthfully, not a whole lot to say about the candy canes’ product page on Archie McPhee's website; it simply informs us that they exist, that the can be purchased in boxes of six for just under $6, and that they bestow upon us “instant mac and cheese flavor.” And, I mean, to be fair, they’re not wrong; unwrapping a candy cane is a lot more “instant” than even microwaving yourself some Easy Mac, let alone going all out and making mac and cheese from scratch.
As for why these bizarre-sounding canes exist? Again, the page doesn’t tell us much; it just notes, “Macaroni and cheese has become a holiday family tradition in many parts of the country, so why not let our holiday candy reflect that?” It seems like a pretty huge leap in logic to me, but, well… maybe that doesn’t matter. (Then again, uh, raise your hand if you, too, would like to hear directly from whoever is responsible for these oddities. I can’t be alone here, right?)
Perhaps unsurprisingly, many are not taking the existence of these candy canes well. Responses range from the poetic:
To the incredulous:
To the “HOLY COW, WE ARE DEFINITELY IN THE DARKEST TIMELINE”:
Interestingly, though, despite the many negative reactions from folks who have simply heard the news that these things are real (Mashable wins the prize for my favorite headline about this story; “Ruin The Holidays With These Mac And Cheese Candy Canes” is chef’s kiss), at least one person who has actually tried them says they’re… kind of OK. “This one isn’t bad,” wrote snack food Instagrammer Junk Food Mom. “Smells like cheese and tastes like mac n cheese, but the sweetness overpowers the flavor eventually, so it’s doable.”
Granted, Junk Food Mom appears to be the only person on the entire planet who has brave enough to try mac and cheese candy canes so far, but, well… that’s a better review than I would have thought possible, so, y’know, there’s that.
The candy maniacs at Archie McPhee are no strangers to oddly-flavored “treats” (and I use that word loosely); they’re also the folks we have to thank — or maybe blame — for those pickle-flavored candy canes that went viral earlier this year, as well as those pickle-flavored mints that made the rounds a few months before that. What’s more, if none of the aforementioned sweets are weird enough for you, there are plenty of more out-there options to choose from. How about some rotisserie chicken-flavored candy canes?
Still not doing it for you? How about some gravy candy, then?
Wait — I know. I have just the thing.
Yes. Those are clam-flavored candy canes.
I’m not sure if I should be saying “You’re welcome” or “I’m so, so sorry.”
If for some reason you feel compelled to inflict the strangest candy flavors you can find on your loved ones this holiday season, you can find all of these and more at Archie McPhee’s website. Just… be prepared to find some coal in your stocking next year.