The Weirdest, Craziest Lyrics On 'Harry Styles'

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There you were, drinking in every one of the precious lyrics from Harry Styles, when suddenly a strange sentence hits you. Then another. And another. You wonder, "damn, am I hearing this right?" and you check the lyrics online and, yep, you totally did. We need to talk about this, people, because there are some crazy lyrics on Harry Styles' debut album. And like, I get it, bae is totally perfecting being a rock star in training and part of that job role includes singing lyrics that make the listener recoil in confusion. But wow. Our boy has really stepped up his game with some of these.

However, allow me to also say that it's genuinely encouraging to hear that Styles has opted for some weird lyrics on his first solo project. He could have simply played it safe and stuck with some conventional efforts that didn't make people furrow their brows. But where's the fun, or the creativity, in that? Instead, Styles has spoke with his apparently crazy, weird little heart, and the results can be heard in some of these wonderfully crazy, weird lyrics from Harry Styles. Honestly, would we have him any other way? I think not.

"This Thing Upon Me Howls Like A Beast / You Flower, You Feast" ("Woman")

I mean, it's a fantastic lyric. But I have absolutely no immediate concept of what it means.

"The Fridge Light Washes This Room White" ("Two Ghosts")

This is probably one of the most poetic ways of saying, "I raided my fridge late at night for a sneaky snack," that I think I've ever heard.

"We're Just Two Ghosts Swimming In A Glass Half Empty" ("Two Ghosts")

This one sounds a whole lot like Pink Floyd's famous lyric, "we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year," from "Wish You Were Here." Except, the lost souls are now officially ghosts and the fish bowl is now a pessimistic glass running low on whatever.

"Should We Just Search Romantic Comedies On Netflix And See What We Can Find?" ("Woman")

OK, so it's an intro line and not an actual song lyric, but still. WHAT.

"Holland Tunnel for a nose, it's always backed up" ("Kiwi")

Judging from the dramatic sniffing noise that follows this line, I totally know what he's getting at. But still. A Holland Tunnel? Really?

"I'm Just Happy Getting You Stuck Between My Teeth" ("Only Angel")

OK, he's singing this line to a person, not a pumpkin seed bagel. And whatever part of that person he's getting stuck between his teeth is something that I really don't feel mature enough to think about right now. Unless, it's a metaphor, which I assume it totally is.

"Such A Pretty Face, On A Pretty Neck" ("Kiwi")

Uh huh, I hear you, fella. Like a Pez dispenser, right?

"Hard Candy Dripping On Me 'Till My Feet Are Wet" ("Kiwi")

Wait, are we still talking about a Pez dispenser? Because I think you've filled it up with something bad if it's, like, dripping all over your feet.

"When She's Alone She Goes Home To A Cactus" ("Kiwi")

I absolutely refuse to abide by this Cactus shaming.

"Brooklyn Saw Me, Empty At The News/ There's No Water Inside This Swimming Pool" ("Ever Since New York")

At first I was like, "this line is crazy," but then I had an epiphany, and realized that he's totally talking about crying in front of the whole of Brooklyn, until he had no more tears left. And now I feel very silly. And very, very sad.

"Woke Up Alone In This Hotel Room/ Played With Myself, Where Were You?" ("From The Dining Table")

I won't lie, this lyric shocked me to the core when I first heard it. And now that I'm sitting here, staring at these words on a screen, all I can imagine is how horrifying a text message this statement would make.

"In A Black Dress, She's Such An Actress" ("Kiwi")

Please, if you happen to know the direct correlation between wearing a black dress and being an actress, then let me know. Because I'm wearing one right now, and I've got to say, I don't feel any more thespian in it than I do in my sweatpants.

"You Can't Bribe The Door On The Way To The Sky" ("Sign Of The Times")

It's abstract, weird, but also pretty nice. Good job, Styles.

There they are folks, in all of their weird, crazy, and baffling glory. He totally nailed it.