I don't think it's crazy to say that we're working with one of the most impressive Bachelorettes of all time. So, there was a lot of pressure on the 2017 Bachelorette contestants for Rachel Lindsay's season. While won't know exactly how they measure up until the season premieres on May 22, the announcement of the men who will be competing for Rachel's heart is certainly a step in the right direction. This pool of very good-looking gentlemen couldn't be more aware that they need to impress the crap out of Rachel.
Which is promising, because, let's be real, she's bringing a lot to the table, and I'm glad most of these guys seem to realize that. It's not every day that you get a chance to meet an intelligent, strong-minded, beautiful, funny, confident, driven woman, who also happens to be a practicing lawyer out of Dallas both rooted in her faith and connected to her family. Not sure if you've noticed out there in the dating world, but someone like Rachel Lindsay is one in a million, so the bar is particularly high for the male contestants this time around.
Here are the men announced on Wednesday for Rachel's season of The Bachelorette. Some of them have been introduced before, but most of them we're meeting for the very first time.
This 27-year-old real estate agent apparently won't be arriving alone on night one. Is he going to be the new Twins? One can only hope. His bio features such highlights as receiving a romantic threesome for his birthday and his favorite actress being J. Law because she's "every girl's goal"... whatever that means.
Alex already impressed the audience at Ellen by proving he's bilingual in Russian as well as English. The 28-year-old information systems supervisor has "chiseled good looks," according to Chris Harrison. And, in his own words, music isn't a big part of his life, but eating a live salamander apparently came up once.
He's a 26-year-old education software manager. I have no idea what that means, but, hey, he's a manager. He also thinks that, if he were on a desert island, it would be full of "those flesh-eating plants from Life of Pi" and not like... boats or something. So, there's that.
Blake E. is a 31-year-old aspiring drummer, which basically means he's a drummer with an audience of no one. Only time will tell if he'll manage to charm Rachel with those skills. Or with his answer of "the new Fifty Shades of Grey" movie as the one film he'd like to watch right now. You're not fooling anybody, buddy.
Blake K. is a 29-year-old U.S. Marine Veteran. Everyone else go home. He's my favorite. He might not be willing to eat monkey brains for love, according to his bio, but how could you beat an answer like "My beautiful mother [is the person I admire most in the world]! Words can't express how grateful I am to have you in my life. I love you mom"?
Brady is a 29-year-old male model and, if you ask me, he is very good at his job... but some of the other guys aesthetically speaking give him a run for his money. Apparently, he's a huge fan of Lululemon sweatpants, if anyone's looking for a way into his heart if Rachel rejects him.
Spoiler alert. As we learned on Ellen, Bryan is the first of Rachel's suitors to have planted a kiss on her. The 37-year-old chiropractor is, according to Harrison, “ancient in Bachelor speak" but he's also a good guy. Maybe that's why Rachel kissed him. Or maybe it's because, according to his bio, he speaks Spanish and wants "2-3 kids" (two boys and one girl, so the boys can protect the girl, though, which — ugh).
This 30-year-old firefighter is going to be a "fan favorite." To be honest, he had me at fan favorite. He also had me at having been in a "high speed pursuit on a motorcycle" in which he "saved someone's life," from his bio. Or at catching someone's hair on fire during sex once. Good thing he's a firefighter...
Dean seemed very nervous when he met Rachel on After the Final Rose, but his bio speaks for itself. He's a startup recruiter, he's 26-years-old, and he can call me maybe? According to his bio, his family lived in a mobile home when he was very young, his mother has been dead for the last 10 years, and he thinks "marriage is an institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs." He's clearly on the right show.
DeMario was the very first contestant Rachel met from her season on ATFR. This 30-year-old executive recruiter is "smooth" and may not be here for the right reasons, apparently. Have we got a villain on our hands? Well, his bio says things like "I love attention… not like '07 B. Spears attention or 2011 Sheen. Natural attention like when Justin and Brit wore those incredible denim outfits" and "No, [I have no phobias], I'm perfect." Make you own judgments.
Eric was the final contestant to be introduced to Rachel on ATFR, and the one she seemed to have the most chemistry with. He's 29 years old and a personal trainer, which are, you know, so rare in the Bachelor world. We'll see if that chemistry carries through to the season itself.
Fred was previously introduced on Ellen as another Dallas native. Harrison described him as a 27-year-old executive assistant who had a crush on a camp counselor... Rachel. Rachel was his camp counselor. And now he's here to win her heart. I don't know how I feel about this, but it's one hell of a meet-cute. I think. He also attended "two graduate school program from two different universities simultaneously and [graduated] from both in the same weekend," so I bet you feel lazy now.
He's a 29-year-old emergency medicine physician. So, you know, Rachel's super into doctors. He also once "had a stomach bug in Peru and had to defecate in a cut open 2-liter coke bottle in the back of a tour bus." So, you know, I'd love to see Rachel's face when she hears about that.
"Iggy" is a 30-year-old consulting firm CEO and is, apparently, someone that Rachel respects. Why? Because he's a nice guy and knows what he wants. Rachel's priorities are clearly in the right place. He's also really good at telling bad jokes, as his desert island would be made of "banana float… get it?"
This 32-year-old attorney was introduced with his full name because... it's more dramatic that way, I guess. Clearly, he's one to watch. His mother passed away from cancer, he's gone skydiving in the Swiss Alps, and he's apparently gone on a 48-hour date. Which, I have to be honest, is my idea of a nightmare.
He's a 32-year-old sales account executive with the most interesting way of spelling the name Jamie that I've ever seen. According to his bio, he's got a tattoo on his shoulder that he's currently removing and he does not have female friends. Like, at all. So. Yeah.
The 35-year-old is an ER physician. An ER physician named Jedidiah. That, to me, is the most dramatic twist here. His favorite food is scrambled eggs, he's had a ton of former dogs that were half-wolf, and he built his "parents a 5,000-square-foot log home on 10 acres in Montana." Yes, please.
Now this is the type of gent you bring home meet your family; as we discovered on Ellen during his introduction, Jonathan is a doctor in family medicine based out of Florida. But Harrison described him, instead, as a "tickle monster." Am I scared or amused? His bio says that the most romantic gift he's ever received as an engagement ring, so does Rachel have competition?
He's a 28-year-old prosecuting attorney. The lawyers that work together... love together? Or something. His bio states that he had an older brother who committed suicide, that he's been catfished by a girl who arrived for their date pregnant, and that he's a natural born leader. There's a lot to unpack here, guys. A lot.
"Diggy," as this Ken is called, is a 31-year-old senior inventory analyst. That sounds like a Chandler Bing kind of job to me. His bio informs us that he was "stranded on a toilet for hours in 5th grade" and that he has pretended to be asleep during a one night stand so he didn't have to help the girl in question look for her missing brother.
The other Kenny is a professional wrestler. At 35 years old, he's not only the one who cries the most this season, but he's also the father of a "beautiful little girl." In his bio, he describes her as "literally my reason for living. She makes my life better." MY HEART.
This Donald Glover fan is 26 and a marketing consultant. According to his bio, he "respect [Glover] on so many levels as a musician, actor, general creative, activist and businessman," which is pretty much how all of us feel about Donald Glover. He's also a butt guy.
This Southern gentleman is a 30-year-old singer/songwriter. I love me a guy who can sing me to sleep. I wonder how long it will take him to Taylor Swift this season. In addition, he's a fan of his mother, stating in his bio, "I admire how she adapts to the circumstances she faces enough to progress and successfully thrive. She survived the Depression as a kid, grew and raised an incredible family."
The 30 year old is a... "whaboom." It's a lifestyle, apparently. We'll love to hate him, apparently. If he and Rachel can say "whaboom" with a straight face, I'll send them roses myself. Aside from that, he'd like to be "Superman with Batman's money because it's the best of both worlds" and "has an ant farm, fish, and I'm an uncle to a cat." Whatever that means.
"Matt" is a 32-year-old construction sales representative. But forget all of that, because his limo entrance involves a penguin costume. I literally love him. His bio only makes me love him more, because it contains such gems as "I knew I was in love once I found myself shopping at Victoria Secret."
The 26-year-old is a former professional basketball player for a team that Harrison didn't name. But, even better, he goes on a basketball date at some point during the season with Rachel and featuring none other than Kareem abdul-Jabbar. On top of that, he has a tattoo that reads "Let us love not in word or speech but in truth and action," which seems pretty much perfect a theme for Rachel's season, no?
Milton, who has a tattoo inside his bottom lip, is a 31-year-old hotel recreation supervisor who "dominated my basketball league after college." However, he states outright in his bio that he's on The Bachelorette to be "discovered. Everyone tells me I'm made for TV/movies. Doesn't mean I'm out here hoping for that, but I would like to break into writing or acting." At least he's honest.
Mohit is a 26-year-old product manager who has apparently met the Power Rangers, so... badass, much? He also believes that when you get "married, you marry the family as well. And that works both ways." I think he and Rachel will be a great fit on that basis alone.
Peter won the hearts of fans on Ellen when he shared his Wisconsin roots — not to mention his adorable face — but there's more to him than that. This 31-year-old business owner is, according to Harrison, someone to watch out for. He seems to fall hard and fast since he admits in his bio that he was looking at rings for his ex "after three months," but he also gushed about his brother who is "the very best father and husband that I have ever known." Aww.
"Rob" is a 30-year-old law student who likes women who know what they want. "I prefer a woman who pursues me. It shows that she has the focus and the courage to go for something that she wants despite the cultural expectation that the man do the pursuing," he said in his bio. Not sure how that attitude will work out for him on a show where he's pursuing a woman against 30 other guys, but we'll see.
All we got out of Willie during his Ellen appearance was that he's from "Miami by way of New York City," so it's nice to finally get some more details. He's 28-years-old and a sales manager, who said in his bio that he would never "be someone's second choice." Another answer that doesn't seem like a great fit for the show that he's on.
I don't know about you, but I'm so ready for The Bachelorette Season 13. Bring it on.
Editor's Note: This article has been updated from its original version.