The Most Important Quality People Want In A Partner Is The Same For Men & Women


When it comes to what to look for in a partner, what we should look for isn't always what we're actually attracted to. Many experts would tell us that we should be looking at important internal characteristics, like values. And it's easy to see why those are important. "Core values are fundamental beliefs that help to guide and dictate a person's behavior as well as inspire someone to commit to a particular action that is in line with certain life goals and fulfillment," Katie Krimer, MA, LMSW, & Therapist, tells Bustle. "Core values as they pertain to a romantic relationship refer to those same fundamental beliefs that might make one feel safe, comfortable, inspired, passionate, and connected to their partner and within the relationship."

It's so true, but core values don't always make me swipe right the way a perfect six pack would unfortunately. The brain, the heart, (and the clit) don't always speak in agreement. But are we all really that shallow? Well, according to a new survey from YouGov, I should give us all a little more credit. They asked over 7,000 men and women from around the world what the most important thing they looked for in a partner was and, when it came to the top spot, both men and women were most likely to go with personality. So maybe I was being too harsh — it turns out we're pretty decent people. But it was really interesting to see what people thought was most important trait when looking for a partner. Here's what they found.



Personality was the most popular option for most important feature from both men and women. Forty one percent of men and 38 percent of women put it at number one. So, actually, men were even bigger fans of being a good person than women were.


Similar Interests

Having things in common is definitely important, but I was surprised to see how many people put it as the most important thing. Twenty percent of women and 18 percent of men ranked it as number one. Whether it's rock climbing or whiskey tasting, they want to be able to do it together with their partner.



Intelligence is obviously a big factor for a lot of people, but only 13 percent of men and 15 percent of women said that it was their number one priority. It's definitely something we take into consideration, but for most people it wouldn't be their major consideration. I mean, in my experience couples spend more time watching TV than reading Proust, so I can see why.



OK, so it had to be in there somewhere. We are animals, after all. Interestingly, though, men were far more likely to put good looks as their top priority. Eighteen percent of men ranked it number one, while only 10 percent of women did. So even though personality is more important to most people, men are almost twice as likely as women to put looks at the top of their list than women are.


Sense Of Humor

I was really surprised that this wasn't higher, but maybe my priorities are off. Only 13 percent of women and nine percent of men put humor as their number one personality trait.


Money, Money, Money

Thank god this was so far down on the list. Two percent of men and three percent of women said that making a good amount of money would be their number one concern. I get that money can represent a lot of other things — like drive, ambition, and work ethic — at least, it can to some people. But this list showed it's not the most important thing.

Everyone is going to have their own list of priorities and little quirks that they look for in a partner — and that's a good thing. But it's nice to see that personality and brains came high on the list, while looks and money weren't quite so important. For most people, at least.