Dust off those boobies you’ve been stowing away in your closet, for the New York Post has declared boobs are “trendy” once again. All rejoice, hallelujah! We can finally free (every part of our boob except) the nipple! Perhaps unsurprisingly, the announcement has been received with mixed enthusiasm. Overall, Twitter’s reaction to boobs being “back” is mostly “...when did they leave?”
The New York Post piece gained attention after their official account shared a tweet simply captioned, “Boobs are back in a big way.” That seven-syllable masterpiece was accompanied by photos for boob-having celebrities Rihanna, Emily Ratajkowski, and Rita Ora. The article confusingly attempts to infuse body-positivity into a piece essentially about how boobs are ~*cool and trendy*~ now, ending with the statement, “A big-boob movement is happening, and we should embrace it.”
What great news for all big-boobed humans who, until this moment, had most certainly hidden their boobs behind chunky cable knit sweaters or large prop vases. Also, what a thoughtful heads up to human whose boobs are average sized or even *said in a hushed tone* small to hurry up and get their boobs very big or else be decidedly out of style. Thank god I’ve been keeping that set of cleavage in my closest since puberty!
Now that boobs are back in style, you’re probably asking yourself, “Where can I get a pair of my own?” There are plenty of options for where to get the latest “it” item. (Which is boobs. The latest “it” item is boobs.) No need to find designer boobs to be in fashion. (Although, those are still probably the only ones that are the most okay societally.)
If you don't want to splurge on a set of supple bosoms, you can always find more fiscally-friendly options. A great place to start is by perusing your mom’s closet. Trends are cyclical! There’s a good chance your mom has some cleavage in her closet from the last time they were in style.
gotta ask my mom if she still has any of her old boobs from the 80s that I can wear https://t.co/TJ0eqMpslL— Helena Fitzgerald (@helfitzgerald) August 1, 2017
Thrift store titties are always a cost-effective option. Scope out some second-hand stores and see if anyone mistakenly gave away their breasts while they were not in fashion. You can even make DIY boobies! Find some chicken cutlets and stuff them in your bra! Tape some basketballs to your chest! Wear a white t-shirt and just draw boobies on it! For fashion!
I take my boobs out from the drawer in which I've hidden them lo these many years.— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) August 1, 2017
"Praise be the New York Post," I whisper. "You're free." https://t.co/eJCMz9dyPO
You might have some boobs lying around that you forgot about. Before you go out to get brand new boobies, don’t forget to check drawers, closets, storage lockers, under the bed, in the freezer, behind the couch, or between the cushions in your car. You might be able to find enough spare boob to make a big boob!
thank god I can finally put my boobs back on https://t.co/TCf6GDtoJp— Taylor Nicole Dean (@taylorndean) August 2, 2017
No word on whether this trend also includes Boobs for Him™. Fingers crossed that male cleavage is very in for Fall 2017. Until then, ladies can feel free to sport all the sideboob, underboob, and top boob they so please. So long as you keep your areolas in check. (Don't be ridiculous. Front boob is still not fashionable yet.)