The Poop-Themed Christmas Items In 2017 Have Already Gone Too Far

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The fight for body autonomy. Fidget spinners. The most embarrassing display of White House leadership ever known to humankind. 2017 has become synonymous with a few different things — some positive (the Women's March), others not quite (see here); but I'm here to argue in favor of the biggest trend of all: fecal matter. Yes, the theme for 2017 is poop, and I'm going to prove it.

First, let's back up to why we think poop is so funny — a topic pondered by the minds of many. Sure, for children, toilet humor might be a part of cognitive development. But what about the rest of us? There are a few guesses; but the consensus seems to be that poo makes us giggle because it's a type of stupid and innocent humor free from harsh criticism. Because we all poop, nobody can be offended by it. Despite our many, many differences, we have at least one thing in common: we all become the porcelain assassin around once a day. Doo doesn't recognize race. It doesn't know gender. It doesn't see sexuality, education level, or income. Poop is the glue that holds us all together.

And although I argue 2017 was the year of the turd, we can't take credit for inventing poop humor. That much goes back a bit further.

Giphy
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In fact, in the ruins of Pompeii, archeologists have found remnants of ancient graffiti talking about sex with barmaids, "hairy privates," and — you guessed it — turds.

There is no better symbol of the wild success of poo than the poop emoji — what Jeremy Burge, the founder of Emojipedia, says is the most flexible and one of the most popular of all emojis. Again, it goes back to poop's ability to defy all barriers.

If you had any doubt that 2017 is the year of the turd, I suspect you've been living under a rock. Take, for instance, these pooptacular holiday treats we spotted at the store.

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And here, a closer view, so you can truly experience the majesty.

Lia Beck/Twitter
Lia Beck/Twitter

I know what you're thinking, and yes — people pay money for these. Holiday-themed, edible "poop?" Obvi. Who wouldn't want spend their paycheck that?

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Then, there's the unicorn poop trend — because just like you and me, unicorns poop. Except their poop is multi-colored and happy and way prettier than yours and mine.

http://lickmyspoon.com/recipes/unicorn-poop/Lick My Spoon

Doesn't this make you want to dive face first into a pile of poop? Me too.

Who could forget the adorable three-year-old who adamantly requested a poop-themed birthday party this year? This toddler is going places. Good job, Mom and Dad!

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She just loves poop so much, she wanted to celebrate her birthday with it. #Same.

Then, there's the viral success of the aforementioned poop emoji, which will probably get its own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame one day. The poop emoji has inspired all kinds of spin-offs. There's the poop emoji costume, because why not?

http://www.partycity.com/product/boys+poop+icon+costume.doPartyCity
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This year also gave us poop emoji brownies, because poop for dessert is always a good idea. Look at these adorable little turdlettes.

Rosanna Pansino on YouTube

And then, there was the poop emoji's big screen debut in The Emoji Movie, where the steaming pile of feces was voiced by none other than Sir Patrick Stewart. In an interview, he said of the role, "... I had no hesitation to saying yes." Ugh. I feel you.

If you have any doubts about the popularity of the poop emoji, simply do a search on Esty to see all the sellers who've jumped on the poop bandwagon (the poopwagon?) and tried to make a buck off of their sh*t. Don't turd cookies sound simply delectable?

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https://www.etsy.com/listing/532192098/poop-emoji-cookies?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=poop%20emoji&ref=sc_gallery_2&plkey=e388e6fad43b280a91873ddf527635cfc5a7bc82:532192098Poop Emoji Cookies/Cloud9Confections

Wouldn't you totally love these cutesy little doo-doo earrings? Me too.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/238225848/poop-emoji-earrings-pile-of-poop-emoji?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=poop%20emoji&ref=sr_gallery_3Poop Emoji Earrings/CleopatraCandy

How about giving the gift of poo for your BFF's next birthday?

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https://www.etsy.com/listing/556635055/funny-printable-birthday-card-adult?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=poop%20emoji&ref=sr_gallery_2Poop Emoji Birthday Card/KatyRaeDesigns

There's no denying it: 2017 has been the year of the doodey. Don't feel shame in finding the humor in harmless potty talk. We have enough problems and too much stress; so go ahead, fam — take a big bite of that unicorn poop.