You Need These Mike Pence "Disgraceful & Offensive" Jokes In Your Life Right Now

by Katherine Speller
Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Vice President Mike Pence accidentally gave the Internet the most perfect catch-all phrase while responding to a New York Times report that he was supposedly seeking to run for president in 2020. Denouncing claims he would run if Trump doesn't seek a second term, Pence called the report "disgraceful" in a statement posted on Twitter.

Per his statement, released on Twitter on Sunday, Pence said:

Today’s article in The New York Times is disgraceful and offensive to me, my family and our entire team. The allegations in this article are categorically false and represent just the latest attempt by the media to divide this administration. Whatever fake news may come our way, my entire team will continue to focus all our efforts to advance the president’s agenda and see him re-elected in 2020. Any suggestion otherwise is both laughable and absurd.

In the same vein as Taylor Swift's iconic request to be "excluded from the narrative" last summer, Pence's response that the article was "disgraceful and offensive to me, my family, and our entire team" makes for the perfect pearl-clutching, dramatic response to any slight inconvenience or major political allegation.

Did your horoscope read you to filth? Someone leave you on read? Did you get #caught deep stalking your ex? Just tell them, "This is disgraceful and offensive to me, my family, and our entire team."

When You Can't & Won't Tolerate Lactose

Make It Your New Email Signature

The DVR History Is Fake News

Just Don't Say It With Your Mouth Full

Heteronormativity Is Both Laughable & Absurd

Don't Ask Me To @ Me

This Is Just The Couch's Attempt To Divide Us

Pants Are Laughable And Absurd

The American People Know I Use Paper Clips

Oh, Mon Dieu!

Fair Enough

While Danielle Rhoades Ha, a spokesperson for The New York Times said that the paper remains "confident in the accuracy of [their] reporting and will let the story speak for itself," Pence's denial might prove useful for anyone looking to dodge some less than flattering allegations of their own.