This Craigslist Ad Looking For A Woman To Impregnate During The Eclipse Is Like Reading A Car Crash
Somewhere on the West Coast, a man is looking for a partner — in life, in love, and most importantly, in producing a mystical eclipse baby destined to lead humanity into a golden age. If that sentence got you all hot and bothered, this Craigslist ad seeking a woman to impregnate during the eclipse is meant for you. Consider your plans on Aug. 21 cancelled.
According to the Oregonian, the personal ad was posted in the "Activity Partners" section of Craigslist from the San Francisco Bay area. The author claimed to be a 40-year-old European with a simple mission: creating the "next level of human evolution" during the total solar eclipse in August. In case that wasn't enough to attract the ladies, he sweetened the deal with some questionable attitudes toward ethnicity. "My heritage is strong and pure," the ad reads. "My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal." Now that is a man who knows how to make a woman feel safe.
After that nonsense, it should come as no surprise that he's seeking a "worthy female with strong genes, beauty and smarts." She also has to like cats, obviously.
So what are his plans for the big day? I'll let the possible white supremacist himself tell you. (Warning: Like many personal ads on Craigslist, the following is decidedly NSFW.)
When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child. ... We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun.
Everything will be aligned in the local universe.
Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets.
At the very moment the eclipse happens, he hopes to "understand everything, and together, create a new universe." Oh, and being high on nitrous oxide while making sweet, astrological love would be cool, too. Nine months later, the magical product of this union will be born. He didn't say anything about child support, but presumably, you don't just abandon your transcendental eclipse baby to the whims of fate.
As the Oregonian points out, the anonymous would-be lover's understanding of reproduction is a bit flawed. It can take sperm a while to figure out their destination, so to speak, so women can conceive several days after sex. The likelihood of getting pregnant at the very moment of totality is pretty low —but let's allow the Craigslist Casanova to retain his illusions.
Although the ad was taken down after a few days, it can still be read in all its creepy, probably-fake glory on the Best of Craigslist. If the ad actually does turn out to be real, I guess we'll find out when Earth is taken over by a highly-evolved sun child in a few years. Something tells me their father would be proud.