When you're having a rough day, there's nothing like horoscopes to make you feel better about yourself. Sure, you might have wandered around all day with your fly unzipped and a strawberry seed stuck between your teeth, which you discovered only when your office crush saw fit to inform you, but at least the zodiac is always there to lay out
your best quality in loving, nonspecific detail. It's like having a celestial best friend, only you can't take the Scorpio constellation out for margaritas every Wednesday.
Despite the decidedly science-y name, astrology isn't exactly scientific. There isn't
much hard evidence that the movements of the heavens actually wield an influence over what goes on down here on Earth, so plenty of people are unconvinced about its usefulness. Then again, you're reading this article right now — maybe you think there's something to it after all. (If nothing else, never discount the power of psychology.) Whether you read your horoscope every week without fail or prefer to just browse through for funsies, astrology is pure and simple fun. Sometimes, it's even strangely accurate.
Don't believe me? Why don't you read up on your best quality, according to your
zodiac sign, then decide. Mar. 21 - Apr. 19
Honestly, I'm shocked an Aries sat still long enough to read their horoscope. Impulsive and charismatic, you're more than a little familiar with the command to "chill out, bro." Whatever, you don't become a world-famous basket weaver (or whatever lesser career path you've chosen) by sitting around doing nothing. Your best quality is your
confidence. It may lead you into wacky situations, but it's also what gets you out of them. Your adventurous nature makes you a huge hit at parties, and you know it. Apr. 20 - May 20
People born under the sign of the Bull are
ruled by Venus, and they're just as loving as that suggests. If you're a Taurus, you're steadfast to the point of predictability — god forbid someone interrupts your morning routine — but you're also eager to please and kindhearted. Therefore, your best quality is loyalty. Once you've decided to let someone into the fold, whether they're a romantic partner or new friend, they can pretty much always count on you to pet their hair, Facebook stalk your ex, or do whatever else needs doing. May 21 - Jun. 20
Represented by the Twins,
Gemini's characteristics can sometimes contradict each other. One second, you're ready to party, and the next, you're ready and willing to climb down the fire escape if it means getting away from that stuffy room filled with people. Your changeable nature is what makes you so open-minded about other people's decisions. After all, it's hard to judge someone else when you're constitutionally incapable of deciding between pizza and sushi for dinner. Jun. 21 - Jul. 22
Hey there Cancer! I see you've taken a break from your regularly scheduled brooding to surf the Internet.
Intense and emotional, you tend toward the Byronic — how many times have you read by now? You feel everything deeply, to the point where you've probably wished for the emotional equivalent of a Wuthering Heights containment bubble to keep the world at bay, but your sensitivity is what makes you such an understanding friend and listener. Just learn to say no every once in a while, or you're looking at a lifetime of strangers crying on your shoulder about their recent divorce. (You were just taking the bus to the grocery store. How did you get here?) Wuthering Heights, $7, Amazon Jul. 23 - Aug. 22
Be honest. You totally think of yourself as the king or queen of the jungle, don't you? Like most monarchs, you're a
natural leader, even in situations that don't necessarily need leading, and you have a protective streak when it comes to your friends — of which there are many. When you're not wrapped up in your own accomplishments, you're incredibly generous to the people you've decided to take under your wing. No wonder you're so popular. Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
Often found on the fringes of a crowd, Virgo isn't the
touch-feely type. You always think before you blab, never quite understanding other people's thirst for drama. (Is there any conceivable universe in which you'd find the Real Housewives franchise appealing?) You often come across as taciturn or shy, but social situations aren't where your strengths lie. Instead, you should look to your workplace, where you're hardworking to the point of single-mindedness. You know what you want, and you're willing to put in the time to get it. Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Libra is a
natural tightrope walker, constantly balancing work, family, love, and awkward water cooler conversations. You're capable of turning up if you feel like it, but unlike some of your friends, you never made a habit of stumbling out of bars at 3 a.m. Your calm, peaceful presence makes you the ideal mediator among your friends, so even though you're not the type to start a fight, you wind up drawn in anyway. Fortunately, you can keep your cool in pretty much any situation: arguments, cancelled flights, your BFF getting kicked out of a restaurant, etc. Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
You might not have a literal stinger, but you've been known to bite anyone who crosses you. (Metaphorically. Probably.) Although
Scorpio has a reputation for being ambitious, you crave actual success rather than its appearance. If that means biding your time while you wait for an opening to get what you want, so be it. Your willpower is the stuff of legend among your friends — and the personal trainers at your gym, who are frankly in aw of your endurance. Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
Sagittarius is as courageous and intellectual as the centaur it's represented by. Unlike dreamy Cancer, your
philosophical musings are grounded in reality; you're far too straightforward to get caught up in pedantry. You shy away from routine, preferring to let fate take you where it may. Luckily, you're the ultimate optimist, so when destiny takes you to weird places, you shrug it off and keep doing you. Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
Goats aren't the most glamorous representation, but fortunately, that's not the kind of thing you bother worrying about. Capricorn is
practical in the extreme; your friends always look to you to get them out of sticky situations. You're the type to Get Things Done, capital letters very much necessary, and you're so resourceful it almost always works out. The only catch? You're not especially altruistic, so anyone asking for your help had better have a good reason. That being said, you're a handy person to have around — any interest in helping me get my life together? Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
To paraphrase the greatest song of 2010, Aquarius can't be tamed. You don't really see the point of societal convention, and you hurtle through life with astonishing speed. (A word of advice: If you haven't been to Burning Man, start planning your trip immediately. Your people await you.) For the most part, you're so focused on casting off social norms that you couldn't care less what other people are up to, treating everyone as your equal. Your
idealism inspires your friends to be their best selves, although it can scare some people away before they get too close. It's a good thing you have natural charisma on your side. Feb. 19 - Mar. 20
Pisces can be
perceived as unfocused and flighty, and it's not an unfair assumption. After all, you hate making decisions or being tied down to a routine. On the other hand, your whimsical, creative nature doesn't make you undisciplined; when you set your mind to something, you'll get around to it. Eventually. What's the point of hurrying? In the meantime, your vast imagination means you have a far more interesting inner life than the rest of us.