The Weirdest Thing About You, According To Your Sign
by Eliza Castile
Beautiful woman singing in the bathroom. Smiling and posing
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Whether or not you actually believe the movements of the heavens influence the lives of us Earthlings, horoscopes are always a fun way to pass the time. Admittedly, the predictions can be pretty general, but they still manage to feel strangely specific to the reader. A single paragraph might be enough to leave you wondering how a stranger knew the weirdest thing about you based on nothing more than your birth date. So no, some horoscopes may not hold up under close inspection, but what are you doing scrutinizing them in the first place?

According to astrology, people who are born under the same sign tend to share similar characteristics. Aries is passionate and fiery, Cancer is dreamy and sensitive, Scorpio is kind of a jerk — you get the idea. Perhaps unsurprisingly, an entire cottage industry has sprung up around love horoscopes predicting which signs fall in love immediately, which ones hate each other's guts, and which ones start at one extreme and wind up at the other.

Most zodiac personality readings focus on our best and worst characteristics, but humans are complicated creatures. There's plenty of stuff going on inside our heads that's neither positive nor negative — it's just kind of weird. Read on for the habit, trait, or unspoken dream, according to your zodiac sign, that makes other people go, "...Huh."


Mar. 21 - Apr. 19

If you'd been born a few centuries ago, you would have hopped on the Oregon Trail without thinking. As it is, Aries is a pioneer in other ways. Whether you're gunning for a promotion or the last quesadilla before Taco Bell closes, you won't let anything get in the way of what you want. Although you're confident enough not to be ashamed of your desire to colonize space, you recognize it's a little weird. On the other hand, space exploration combines everything you love: glory, intellectual challenge, and aliens that may or may not look like Leonard Nimoy. Who wouldn't want to be an astronaut?


Apr. 20 - May 20

Stubborn as, well, a bull, Taurus isn't a huge fan of change. Maybe that's where your collection of antiques comes from. When you're big on stability, the sight of a home filled with furniture that's stood the test of time must be comforting. Unless you just really like to listen to the ticking of old clocks — there are weirder hobbies.


May 21 - Jun. 20

It's hard to get a handle on Gemini; even you might not understand your contradictory personality all that well. Talkative and quick-witted, you've been known to divulge secrets when the gossip is too good to keep to yourself. (A word of advice: I'd suggest getting your scandalous entertainment from reality shows instead of your friends' love lives.) Even when you don't spill the beans, you write down all the interesting stuff. After all, you're always mentally composing your memoirs.


Jun. 21 - Jul. 22

Yes, Cancer can be sensitive, and maybe you get carried away with your daydreams sometimes. On the other hand, your nurturing streak makes you the ideal mom of your friend group, even if your life plans don't actually include being a parent. You can always be counted on to produce a homemade granola bar from your purse or help someone change a flat tire. No wonder you're so popular.*

*Why yes, I am a Cancer. Why do you ask?


Jul. 23 - Aug. 22

Named for the lion, Leo's personality is fairly straightforward. You're proud, a natural leader, and more than a little arrogant. You're charismatic or taciturn depending on your mood, but if someone gets you talking about your love for theater, you won't shut up for hours. Anyone willing to go see Hamilton with you for the sixth time will earn your eternal devotion.


Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

Why so serious, Virgo? Hardworking, fastidious, and sometimes a little judgmental, you were probably that kid who assembled her Lisa Frank pencils by color at the beginning of every school day. As an adult, that's turned into an obsession with organization that leaves your friends a little taken aback. (Your mom, however, is ecstatic to see how clean your room is.) Be honest: How many hours have you spent on your phone watching oddly satisfying GIFs of donuts being made?


Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Balance is Libra's thing. That's usually metaphorical, although there's a chance you're harboring some tightrope-walker fantasies. However, a recurring daydream about running off and joining the circus isn't the oddest thing about you. (Who doesn't have a daydream like that?) Instead, it's your tendency to nest. No matter how long you've lived in a place, you're never done improving it. It makes sense — your sign is ruled by Venus, who happens to be the goddess of beauty — but maybe turn off HGTV every once in a while. Your friends are starting to worry about how much Flip or Flop you're watching.


Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Assertive and intelligent (or shall I say cunning?), Scorpio is totally cool with being the power behind the throne. Perhaps that's why you love high fantasy and all the fictional politics that come with it. Game of Thrones is for amateurs — you've been reading Robert Jordan and Terry Brooks since middle school, and you don't plan on stopping any time soon.


Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

A natural risk taker, Sagittarius can usually be found doing something interesting: base jumping, learning acro yoga, befriending Alaskan fishermen on a beach in Mexico, and so on. But even the most adventurous traveler has a soft spot for the idea of home, and you get your domestic fix by following dozens of cute animal Instagrams. If you haven't already branched out into hedgehog territory, now is the time to start.


Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Capricorns are an old soul from the minute they're born. You have ridiculously strong self-discipline, with one exception: an online shopping habit. Ever since you memorized your credit card number, all bets were off, although you're too practical to truly outlive your means. Whatever — there's nothing wrong with valuing material things. When a lady wants an ice cream-shaped cell phone case and a ukulele, she's going to buy exactly that.


Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

What isn't weird about Aquarius? You're constitutionally incapable of obeying social norms, and you think so far outside the box you don't even know what the box should look like. For being such a chronologically displaced hippie, though, you can be quite stubborn when anything contradicts your beliefs. Instead of dismissing someone as a socialized sheep right off the bat, hear them out first.


Feb. 19 - Mar. 20

Honestly, I'm tempted to say the weirdest thing about Pisces is that you're represented by a fish, but you're not here for me to poke fun at your sign. (Also, as someone who was born under the Crab, I don't really have grounds to talk.) Floppy, aquatic symbols aside, the weirdest thing about Pisces is the self-destructive streak so many seem to possess. You're artistic, imaginative, and give surprisingly great advice, but that doesn't mean you follow it yourself. Next time you feel the urge to throw your hands up and join a traveling cult of banjo players, reel it in a little bit — or at least learn the banjo first.