In times of great stress and pain, people often turn to fantasy writing for a brief respite, a moment of peace, a welcome break from reality. Naturally, Pottermore, the companion website to the Harry Potter series, has proven an escapist haven - although thanks to this new revelation about wizards' hygiene, you may be more horrified? Nauseated? Than, uh, comforted. You've been warned. Witches and wizards are nasty.
The fun new tidbit of information came from J.K. Rowling's deep dive on the Chamber of Secrets, an underground lair built by Salazar Slytherin, one of the four founder of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Though it initially served as a spot for Slytherin to instruct his students in more controversial lessons (read: the Dark Arts), upon Slytherin's dismissal, it became home to a monster only Parselmouths could control: a Basilisk. Typical. Slytherin.
But no, the troubling truth about wizard habits has nothing to do with the Basilisk. In fact, if anything, it serves as a brief moment in which human necessity and ingenuity out-shine any sort of magical twist of the wand that a wizard could perform.
So, OK: apparently, the Chamber of Secrets was initially accessed by a trapdoor and a series of tunnels. That trap door was threatened in the 18th century, when plumbing began being installed throughout the castle.
Why was plumbing installed so late?
They. Pooped. In. Their. Pants?!
And then just said a spell like "LOL one sec guys" ?!?!?!!!
What was the spell, even?! "Accio dignity" ?!?!!
No. No no noooo no no. That's enough. That's quite enough. Wizards - I need a break from you.