This New "Airline For Millennials" Seems Very Confused About What Millennials Are

Rejoice, fellow young people, for Air France has announced the launch of Joon, its new airline for millennials. Finally, us youths can fly freely surrounded by all our millennial comforts. Well, at least those of us who have any disposable income and frequently fly to France.

Perhaps you are confused about what an “airline for millennials” even is. Is that because the concept itself is absurd and commercialized? Of course not. That’s because you are an old who does not understand the inner-workings of the 18- to 35-year-old brain. Let Air France try to explain. As their press release states, “Joon is a lifestyle brand and a state of mind.” You see, as a Young Person™, I view flying as less a means of transportation and more as a nebulous concept. Air travel is simply a feeling that must align with my millennial aura and definitely not, like, a necessary means of getting home for holidays.

What does a millennial airline look like? Blue, mostly. Air France’s announcement states that Joon’s specific shade of blue is a symbol for “the airline's dynamic attitude, as well as the sky, space and travel.” Blue: the color of energy and boldness but also, like, the sky.

Flight attendants won’t dress in those boring, very non-millennial uniforms, which is surely what kept you from flying before and not, say, surging prices or questionable airline practices. Joon’s flight attendants’ attire will be both “basic and chic.” If those sounds like two words someone randomly picked out of a hat labeled “random millennial word hat,” perhaps this helpful informational video will clear it up for you.

If that video looks like a robot put together a composite of icons and sounds labeled “things companies think young people like,” then I'm afraid maybe you’re an old person who doesn’t understand what it’s like to be young nowadays and feel #empowered by an upbeat chord progression on the electric guitar.

However, this brings up an interesting question: How will they keep the olds from booking flights on this hip, young aircraft? Will there be a BuzzFeed quiz before purchasing a ticket? Will personal information include listing which Sex In The City character you are? Will they lure the youth with the smell of an open pamplemousse La Croix? We’ll just have to wait until this fall, when the airline officially launches, to find out.

If you’re still confused why the world needs an airline specifically for millennials, let Air France’s Vice President Brand Caroline Fontaine explain. “This generation has inspired us a lot: epicurean and connected,” Fontaine stated in the press release, “They are opportunistic in a positive sense of the word.” To be honest, “opportunistic but, like, in a good way” is probably not the best way to draw in any customer base. Just in case you were hoping “millennial-friendly” meant “more affordable," Air France clarifies “Joon will not be a low-cost airline.” And, well, if you would stop eating avocado toast and killing off cereal brands for one GD second, maybe you could afford to fly to Paris.

Air France is far from the first brand to try to appeal to the 18 to 35 consumer base. (Looking at you, fast food brands with the “millennial makeover.”) It will also be far from the last. What’s next for millennial-specific travel? Maybe boats just for young people? Cars but when they honk they say “bae”? The possibilities are endless. (But, to be clear, we should probably just stop now.)