This Opossum Breaking Into A Liquor Store For Bourbon Is All Of Us In 2017
Humans aren't the only ones having a rough time this year. Animals are also feeling the strain of 2017's tsunami of political squabbles and social scandals — case in point, this opossum breaking into a liquor store for bourbon. While many people have probably joked about needing a stiff drink during the never ending dumpster fire of 2017, animals generally stay sober through good times and bad (except for cats, who are known to regularly escape into a pile of catnip when things get all dark and twisty). However, according to the Associated Press, one Florida opossum finally had enough.
The AP reported that a sick opossum was brought to a wildlife rescue by police after a liquor-store employee found the animal next to a broken bottle of bourbon. The bottle was also empty, and it appeared that the booze-seeking opossum had drank every drop of the liquor before getting a ride in a police car to the Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge, which sounds a lot better than jail. Who knew police handled publicly intoxicated animals?
"A worker there found the opossum up on a shelf next to a cracked open bottle of liquor with nothing in it," Michelle Pettis, a technician at the refuge, told the AP. "She definitely wasn’t fully acting normal." So, just what drove this opossum to drink? People on Twitter are speculating that the new tax bill pushed the animal over the edge.
And, they can totally relate.
Seriously, this gives a whole new meaning to #ImWithHer.
The opossum is everyone's new obsession, because her antics have made us feel less alone.
I'm no expert, but a full bottle of bourbon can flatten even the most seasoned drinker, so one might suspect that the opossum invited some friends to the party, though they all seemed to have the good sense to flee before workers arrived — just like every high school party you ever went to when the parents unexpectedly came home early.
"We loaded her up with fluids to help flush out any alcohol toxins," Pettis told the Northwest Florida Daily News. "She was good a couple of days later." The good news? Pettis said that the opossum did not appear to have a hangover.
It's time we humans examine our behavior when a member of the animal kingdom is driven to such drastic measures to cope with the turmoil of 2017.
There is no word on whether the opossum is receiving counseling after her ordeal, but she does appear to be getting some TLC from those who are also feeling the strain of the past year. Because, hugs not drugs, my friendlies.
We understand your struggle, fellow woman warrior.
And, had we known about your party we definitely would have been there. Because, Trump.
We're also sorry that "some people" don't think climate change is real. And, clearly your cry for help is proof that climate change really does impact mental health.
This opossum needs to join forces with the bakery bandit because everyone needs junk food after a night of drinking.
Because, no one should have to endure the new America alone.
And, no matter what, never drink and drive.
Cheers to you little opossum. You are the new mascot for The Resistance, sort of like a female Yoda. We raise our glasses to you.
While it does seem that the political climate is driving everyone bananas, Pettis told the Northwest Florida Daily News that the drunken opossum was a first for her. Additionally, the store's owner revealed how the animal staged the break in.
"She came in from the outside and was up in the rafters, and when she came through she knocked a bottle of liquor off the shelf," Cash’s Liquor Store owner, Cash Moore, told the newspaper. "When she got down on the floor she drank the whole damn bottle." Though I'm not advocating anyone, human or animal, drink a whole bottle of bourbon... I feel you and I see you, my furry little friend. Cheers to 2018 being a better year for everyone.