Imagine the most beautiful, emotional and Insta-worthy moment of your life to date: your wedding day. Now, imagine that right after the first dance or epic "cutting the cake" portion of the ceremony your best friend decides this is the opportune time to get down on one knee to propose to their partner — at your wedding. You want to be happy for them, yes! But why did they have to pick your moment? This is the same question a Slate reader had for Mallory Otberg or "Dear Prudence," only somehow, the timing of this proposer managed to be even worse.
If you're thinking, well, why not? They are a friend that might be borderline family. Of course you'd want to be happy for them! But to be honest, imagining this scenario sounds a little like a nightmare. Think about it. You pump all of the time, energy, and money into an event worthy of Pinterest. You have multiple bridezilla moment, and maybe even she a few tears trying to get just the right color fuchsia for the table runners, and BAM! All of that doesn't really seem to matter anymore because you've been upstaged. And if you can imagine how that feels, you don't have to. This anon letter shared just how earth shattering it can be.
Prudence responded, justifying the way most of us would react — with the anger and bravado of a Disney villain.
Social media has an interesting way of bringing people together, and by that, I mean getting you all worked about real life and hypothetical scenarios. It's safe to say that Twitter wasn't having it when the question was presented again elsewhere: Is it OK to have a friend propose at your wedding?
Social media promptly responded, "Hell no!"
PROPOSE? NOT ON MY SPECIAL DAY YOU AINT pic.twitter.com/VUZhkJNvmG— 🍓 kale !! (@quippednarry) June 4, 2017
Another controversial photo was posted quite a while ago by @bellanaijaweddings, but originally captured by photographer Akintayotimi. Both social media accounts are dedicated to celebrating African culture and the extravagant beauty of tying the knot. Even after being posted on Facebook three years ago, it managed to gain over 100 comments. After being reposted on Twitter, fate would have it so that the photo would go viral again. And people started to lose it, again!
So, clearly, this also wasn't the inspiring moment it was intended to be. Not even a little.
i dare one of my guest's +1s to propose to them at MY wedding https://t.co/8GL3ndqoLc— brenda meeks (@femmeminem) June 6, 2017
If anybody had the nerve to propose at my wedding I'm going to their wedding pregnant and having my baby in the middle of their ceremony— Lyric. (@Lurkems) June 5, 2017
If you've ever thought about this as the ultimate gesture of love. Think again! This might get you escorted out, according to some tweeters.
If you decide you're going to propose at my wedding, security will escort you out.— Sofie (@Sofie_Lovee) May 18, 2017
Or worse...the bride and/or groom might cause a scene that would remind you more of any reality TV show on VH1.
No one better propose at my wedding. Do it the day after or we fighting— shakia (@seeyainakiaa) May 22, 2017
Apparently, there is little to no middle ground. But there were some willing to make an exception.
You would have to be one of my CLOSEST friends for me to let you propose/get proposed to at my wedding— k. 💜 (@kpayton21_) May 14, 2017
But if you didn't get the memo, written in large sharpie marker on the wedding invites or prepare to risk it all for a moment.
I'm writing this on my invitations. Dont propose at my wedding. Dis my day. https://t.co/panatVORi5— PettyAnne Conway (@andCarrieOn7) May 14, 2017
And finally, it's time to weigh the cost. If a friend/relative feels slighted after your brief moment of social media fame, just imagine what could happen at your wedding.
Propose at my wedding and best believe I'm sending you 70% of the bill— 4.0 this semester (@Caleb_Atemie) June 3, 2017
If you propose at my wedding, I'll renew my vows at yours, and die at your funeral. Please don't try me.— Gwedha (@whksfinest) June 7, 2017
If that wasn't enough to scare you away from making a potentially egregious error, there are other methods to fool proof this approach. First, you should always ask beforehand. Don't surprise your family, friends, the bride and social media with your selfishness. You've been warned.
Read the rest of the Dear Prudence story and response here.