Well, y'all, the latest piece of nonsense to go viral on Twitter proves that I will eventually die as I lived: talking way too much about bread. You see, in the midst of all of the chaos on Twitter's main stage in this week's round of political letdowns, celeb gossip, and memes about Adam Levine's chest in the Super Bowl, we now have this viral tweet about how a baguette moves tearing Twitter apart.
The tweet is question is actually a GIF, uploaded by Twitter user @sheepfilms, who also goes by Dave. The initial GIF shows a cartoon of four baguettes that have, in the fictional world of Dave's GIF, become sentient, and thus are moving on their way to some unknown location where baguettes are wont to go. (France? Oprah? IDK.) Just underneath this bizarre but lively animation is a poll, asking users which they think is the most plausible way a baguette come to life would move, citing the options of worm, gallop, robot rotate, and caterpillar.
What should have been just another day to be bread on the internet has now consumed Twitter to such a degree that, at the time of posting, the poll has only been up for eight hours, and has already accumulated over 50,000 votes. Humans, it seems, will never not have opinions about bread.
Without any further ado, here are all of the bread options in action (side note: does anyone else kind of want to adopt one of these as a pet?).
As someone who has prepared approximately 27 years of baguette consumption for this moment — including a baguette that I quite literally bought this morning, the remnants of which are currently propped on my desk — I argue adamantly that option two, the gallop, is the one that most captures the spirit of this particular carb; my reasoning is that my heart makes that exact motion when a baguette is in my line of sight.
Despite me being unquestionably right, Twitter seems quite divided on this topic, which the results of the poll reveal below.
As of right now, "robot rotate" is decidedly in the lead, which upsets me because it looks stiff, unappetizing, and basically like a bread version of that stick in the mud at the bakery who's all, "No, the cupcake without sprinkles, please."
However, I accept that other people have their reasoning, many of which were all surprisingly thoughtful given the topic at hand and the fact that, again, this is Twitter dot com.
Fortunately, some Twitter users were very much on my side in this battle, and went with option two.
(Here's my tweet, because I'M RIGHT!!!! And you're welcome.)
Other brave users went against the grain completely, option for the least popular options of one and four.
Some people were here to liberate the poor baguette altogether.
But what kind of debate would this be if Chrissy Teigen, known authority on good foods, did not weigh in?
Anyway, if you have any strong baguette opinions — which, as we all collectively discovered on the internet today, most of us do — make sure to chime in before the poll expires, so you can make your carb-loving voice heard. In the meantime, if anyone needs me, I will be polishing off the decidedly unmoving baguette at my desk.