I am not frequently hit on at my gym, probably because all the men there are too intimidated by the impressive renditions of 2004 Fall Out Boy songs I belt out on the elliptical to attempt to approach me. This is for the best, since a number of polls have revealed that women consider the gym to be one of the worst places to swat away unwanted lovers. Luckily, one wise woman has found a rather unique solution to keep men from hitting on her at the gym, and it is brilliant, if a bit unorthodox.
Before we reveal into the exact wizardry the aforementioned dude-battler employed to keep the men at bay, though, let's dig in to exactly why getting hit on at the gym is so annoying. It's totally fine if you're hoping to find love at your local Crunch — heck, you can score a date at the grocery store if the fates align right — but for the most part, the gym is a place for hard work, endorphins, self-improvement, and cardio soundtracked by early aughts emo pop punk, and getting swamped by dudes when you're sweaty and trying to get through a full three minutes of planking is a pain.
Anyway, author Olivia A. Cole was apparently getting her workout on Wednesday when she overheard the following interaction:
*guy approaches two women working out, with flirtatious eyebrows at the ready*
Girl 1: UH you might not want to come over here, dude. I just farted. It’s bad.
Guy: *looks horrified. leaves.*
Girl 2: omg did you really?
Girl 1: psh no.
THIS. IS. GENIUS. First and foremost, gym farts are one of the worst things about going to the gym, and they are also inevitable. As Women's Health notes, heavy breathing can trap air in your digestive tract, and that air has to find a way out. Usually, that way is through your butt. This is why it's never a good idea to walk downwind of a treadmill.
Farting is also definitively unsexy, even though literally everyone farts and if they don't something is medically wrong. Still, when you're trying to woo or get wooed, you don't tend to openly admit to your object of affection that the raw egg smell battering their olfactory organs did indeed come out of you — in fact, a recent study found a quarter of people waited six to 12 months to fart in front of their partner, which is kind of insane, if you think about it.
Either way, telling a guy who's trying to hit on you that you just emitted a real stinker is a good way to get him to back off, and it looks like the Internet agrees:
Some women recalled using similar smell-related defenses in the past:
And others pointed out the method could have many uses in the future:
Of course, while it's funny to joke about how to stop men from approaching you in unwanted scenarios, there's a bigger underlying issue here. On the one hand, it would be nice if you didn't HAVE to fend off would-be lovers when you're just trying to work out, or hang with your friends, or do your laundry, or pet the cat that lives behind your apartment building. On the other hand, personal experience has taught me to embrace meeting men in places that do not rhyme with "Shminder," and I wouldn't want to thwart potential romance just because I'm exercising.
Right now, there is no sensor to alert men that their attention is wanted, so they will have to rely on body language and other cues, of which, I have found, many do not seem to have a firm grasp. So, basically, if you want to hit on someone at the gym, don't be too obvious about it, definitely do not do it mid-workout, and if your prospective paramour tells you she just farted, back waaaaaay off.