It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a social media account must wade through a daily avalanche of unwanted sexual advances. (Thanks, patriarchy!) It's infuriating, to say the least, but sometimes, women respond to creepy direct messages with pure, weird genius. While it doesn't come close to making up for having to deal with creeps all the time, it's a silver lining. Case in point: Recently, what began as a garden-variety slide into someone's DM's ended in an invitation to a threesome with Shrek. Needless to say, this immediately put a stop to the conversation — and won over thousands of Twitter users at the same time.
Everyone deals with unwanted come-ons in their own way, but Bridget Nickerson, Twitter's latest hero and all around badass, takes a unique approach. On Sunday, she shared screenshots of an exchange between herself and some random guy who decided to hit on her via direct message. At first, it played out exactly how you would expect. First, the guy — to whom I will refer from now on as Rando — messaged her to let her know he thinks she is hot. When she failed to reply with a effusive gratitude for such a unique, well-considered compliment, the likes of which she has certainly never received before, Rando messaged her again with similar eloquence.
"Damn not even gunna reply," he wrote. Not since Shakespeare has the English language been put to such profound use.
At last, this is when Nickerson deigned to reply with a simple "thanks." But if you're familiar with the mind of horny strangers on the Internet, you already know the direction this is going. He promptly asked her if she sexts, which is where things take a bit of a left turn.
Nickerson replied that she would only sext if he was willing to role play. What she failed to mention was that one of those roles would be filled by Shrek, the animated ogre voiced by Mike Myers in the eponymous 2001 DreamWorks movie.
So how did Shrek end up part of this conversation? Nickerson told Bustle over direct message (ironically enough) that her friend, @IAmNotJohnTucker, came up with the idea to play along with the sexting long enough to set up a fantasy threesome — then they revealed the third player was every '90s kid's favorite cranky ogre, complete with an uncomfortably magnified photo of Shrek.
Please take this opportunity to bask in the glory of Nickerson's prank. I can't decide if it's better to think she has been planning this or that it was simple improvisation.
Rando, unfortunately, did not seem to appreciate the humor. He never replied, even when Nickerson turned the tables. "Damn your [sic] not going to even reply??" she wrote.
But even if Rando didn't get the joke, plenty of other people did. Nickerson's post received more than 260,000 likes and 115,000 retweets on Twitter, where everyone pretty much died laughing.
One user pointed out a true missed opportunity on Rando's part.
I give it two days before there are thinkpieces about the next big Millennial dating trend, Shrexting.
This just in: Having a social media account isn't tacit permission for sexual advances. You would think that this goes without saying, but given how many creeps are out there randomly hitting on anyone with an Internet presence, it's worth pointing out. For some people, the influx of come-ons is so constant that it's no wonder Nickerson end up Shrexting. A lady's got to entertain herself somehow.
So next time someone slides into your messages when you have a little time on your hands, feel free to take a page out of Nickerson's book and poke fun at the situation. Happy Shrexting, folks.