Tom Schwartz Almost Drops The Wedding Cake On 'Vanderpump Rules' But A Woodsy Elegant Miracle Saves The Day
Charles Sykes/Bravo

Oh, Tom Schwartz. You gave me quite a fright on Monday's episode of Vanderpump Rules when you pulled on some socks, slid on some slides, picked up your and Katie's wedding cake, and flew so close to the sun. But by some woodsy elegant miracle, your wings remained intact. And by “wings” I mean “wedding cake.”

Dude, what were you doing lugging that wedding cake box down a flight of stairs while wearing slip-on sandals and socks? I mean, I get that you were in your comfies for the long drive up to the venue, but that was a double whammy of a slippery footwear situation if I ever saw one. Might as well tie a bar of soap to each foot. I’m about as clumsy as it gets, so I probably shouldn't be telling anyone how to carry something down some stairs, but here goes nothing: You probably should've been sporting, as Stassi put it, shoes with laces “like a normal cake carrier.”

Did Schwartz stumble while hauling the (presumably expensive) pastry to the car? You bet he did. As he traversed the flight of concrete steps in front of their apartment building, Schwartz lost his footing almost immediately. Schwartz and I let out a panicked yelp.

Too bad wedding cakes don't land on their feet like cats, I thought. Oh, and too bad wedding cakes don't have feet.

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But before he could tumble down the stairs and send the plastic cake carrier soaring through the WeHo sky, Schwartz regained his balance. His sandaled feet met on the same step. Schwartz did not topple. The cake remained intact. Woodsy elegant crisis av-SUR-ted.

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The sandals and socks really owe that aforementioned woodsy elegant miracle.