In case you didn't feel the disturbance rippling through the Force yesterday, Disney CEO Bob Iger announced in a Q&A about the upcoming Han Solo prequel that the beloved character's name isn't actually Han Solo. So, um, the next logical question to shout out the 11th story window of your office building in the middle of the day is, "What is Han Solo's real name????" But alas, the odds of us finding out that information before the film's May 25, 2018 release date are slim to none, barring some rampantly abused Jedi mind tricks to make it happen.
Of course, an absence of information has done nothing to stop fans of the infamous Corellian rogue from imagining what his "real name" is as we attempt to grapple with this literally life-changing information. (If Han Solo isn't his real name, maybe Emma isn't mine? Who am I? Who are any of us??) The only way we're going to be able to right our topsy-turvy little worlds again is to get some backstory and his real name, stat, so we can either accept it as canon or start making ridiculous memes about it on social media. If you too are struggling to reconcile the Alt Fact that is Han Solo's name, then maybe you will be comforted by the host of fan "theories" on Twitter ...
You've Known ~All Along~
Spoiler Alert: I've done a great deal of research on the subject and I can conclusively reveal that Han Solo's real name is Harrison Ford.— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) March 24, 2017
Disney May Recycle It
as nobody knows han solo's ~real name~ i am officially spreading the rumor that it's eugene but literally only because of this pic.twitter.com/g6weWxzRPK— emma lord (@dilemmalord) March 24, 2017
Eugene is the exact kind of name that leads you into a stellar career in cross-galaxy smuggling, TBH.
We Could All Live With This One
You're all wrong.— Dan Slott (@DanSlott) March 24, 2017
My best Han Solo "real name" gag
from yesterday was:
Star Wars fans: Never forgive, never forget.
So Han Solo's name isn't Han Solo? I hope Star Wars doesn't turn it into a corny joke like, "lol I fly solo" and that's how he got his name— carol îmwe (@carxlinv) March 24, 2017
The cringe would ripple through so many galaxies.
Han's Just His Nickname
the whole "han solo's real name isn't han solo" thing is bullshit. everyone knows han's real name is hanathan soloson— pine tones 👓 44 (@Iogan2017) March 24, 2017
Close friend of Boaty McBoatface.
What's Eating Han Solo?
If Han Solo is not his real name I want him to have a lame name like Gilbert Parklighter or something— aliyah (@calirissian) March 24, 2017
Gilbert admittedly lacks a certain ~finesse~.
Wouldn't it be great if for the whole movie they just called him "Kid" like he called Luke the whole fourth movie? What's Han Solo's name?— Jøyless Phlegm (@Corrupt_Savior) March 24, 2017
This would actually be kind of precious, the name thing aside.
Han Solo's real name: Henry Jones IV pic.twitter.com/PdWrGCv1Bb— Jill Zwarensteyn (@JillZwarensteyn) March 24, 2017
Throwback Thursday, y'all.
In any case, in the wake of all these guesses, it is clear that the fandom is mostly Not Okay right now, if the tweets are any indication.
"You ever wonder how Han Solo got his name?" pic.twitter.com/JPXqLXRwUG— Dustin Jawnson (@MrDQJ) March 23, 2017
Me finding out his name isn't Han Solo pic.twitter.com/TgGNMTpvP2— Scout ☀️ (@scoutea_) March 24, 2017
No worries, everyone — only 427 more days until we find out the truth!