Close your eyes, if you will, and remember back to a time when the FDA and consumer advocate groups squashed every '90s child's hope and dreams. I'm referring to the still-painful memory of growing up without Kinder eggs, and having to settle for regular, boring chocolate that didn't contain toys and stuff. After all these years, though, we're finally going to taste sweet, sweet glory, because Kinder eggs are coming to the U.S., and now you can enjoy chocolate the way the chocolate gods always wanted you to.
You probably remember Kinder eggs as the focus of every '90s fantasy you ever had. The iconic hollow chocolate egg can be broken apart to reveal teeny, tiny toys inside — and anything that combines candy and toys is bound to have any child peeing their pants in excitement. One major problemo, though: while more than 170 very lucky countries have gotten to enjoy the magical eggs every year, Kinder eggs were banned in the U.S. back in the '70s because the FDA has issues with non-edible items being hidden in food, because choking hazards and stuff. (Lame.) Also, I could bring up how deeply offended I am that we seem to think other children can handle Kinder eggs but not children in U.S.; but I won't. But I could.
But I won't.
Ferrero — Kinder's parent company, and the same geniuses who make Nutella (and just changed the recipe, BTW, but that's none of my business) — has found a brilliant workaround with the Kinder Joy, though, which is the version that will soon be available in the States. This egg comes in two separately packaged halves. One half is a delicious piece of chocolate made of two layers: a milk cream flavor and a cocoa flavor. Hidden in these layers are two round, chocolate-covered wafers filled with cocoa cream. This half is so soft and creamy that it comes with a spoon to eat it with.
The other half contains a toy. And the FDA can't say "ish" because the Kinder Joy separates the toy from the candy in the two halves and is thus fully compliant with their rules. In yo face, FDA! (But also, uh, thanks for keeping us safe.) There are more than 40 different toy options, including balls, racing cars, and crayons. You can find Kinder Joy eggs in Walmart starting on Black Friday for $1.34 a pop, and they'll be available for 30 days — before they'll expand to other retailers and make all your wildest '90s dreams come true. Expect long lines, and you should fully plan on having to fight some grandma for the last egg, because that's very likely what it will come down to.
If you remember something Kinder-esque from your childhood, you're very likely thinking of its lookalike: the Wonder Ball. The hollow sphere made of milk chocolate was first released in the '90s and contained small Disney character toys. Sound familiar? It was a mere seven years later that it was taken off shelves after complaints that it was a choking hazard. In 2000, it was re-released containing candy instead of toys, satisfying no one, because we want the toy. Wonder Ball disappeared again in 2007 before making its next appearance in 2016, but let's be honest: nothing comes close to Kinder.
Kinder will make its return just in time for the holidays. According to experts (me), they'll make excellent stocking stuffers and are also perfect for stashing in your glove compartment for those chocolate emergencies you may have on the way to and from work. And because I can already hear the haters complaining about a choking hazard, please don't eat the half that contains the toy — the last thing we need is a reason for another 40 plus year ban on chocolate's gift to humankind.