Sex & Relationships

9 Sex Positions To Get To Know Your Partner Better

These moves foster intimacy and closeness.

Originally Published: 
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Having sex for the first time with a new partner can be total fireworks, but it can also be awkward as hell. One or both of you may be nervous and that lack of familiarity can breed discomfort. And yes, it might send you going your separate ways.

If you'd like to try again, however, you can definitely get to know your partner better in the bedroom by communicating honestly and directly about each of your sexual preferences — and continuing to do so throughout your relationship, even if it's difficult.

"In order to have a healthy sex life, you sometimes need to have uncomfortable conversations about what might not be working [...] or what you want more or less of," Dr. Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist and relationship expert, tells Bustle. This is true for both new and longer-term couples. Communication really is everything.

In fact, the 2020 SKYN Sex & Intimacy Survey, a survey of 2,000 females and males in the U.S. ages 18 to 39, found that 77% of participants frequently vocalized their sexual preferences to their partner(s) during sex. In many cases, this leads to stronger chemistry, and a more fulfilling sex life.

But there are also quite a few sex positions that feel particularly intimate, and can also help foster a sense of closeness and connection as you get to know each other better. Here, the best sex positions for getting to know a new partner.


Legs Up Missionary

How To Do It: Start in missionary and slowly move your legs up over your partner's shoulders. Try to hook your knees over them, but if that doesn't feel right, just stick to a slightly modified missionary with your knees pulled back towards your chest — that'll be intense enough.

Why It's Helpful: Missionary is a classic position that allows you and your partner to be close. It sets you up to look into each other's eyes, which is a great way to connect. This modified position, in particular, also requires good communication and and ability to adjust to each other on the fly.



How To Do It: Straddle your partner and then go for it. You can lean forward or lean back, for different angles. For a bonus modification and added intimacy, have your partner sit more upright with their back up against the wall.

Why It's Helpful: Some people feel exposed in this position, so it can be good for bonding with a new partner. But mostly, it's just sexy and will help you feel confident in showing off your moves.


Doggy Style

How To Do It: Get on your hands and knees, while your partner goes behind you and enters you from the back. You can also use your hand (or tell them to use theirs) if you want some clitoral stimulation.

Why It's Helpful: You'll get to see your partner's best moves in this position. Do they go slow, and then speed up at the just the right time? If you like it, say so. And if not, use this as an opportunity to talk more about what you both like in bed.


Weak In The Knees

How To Do It: While they sit on the edge of the bed, you kneel on the floor in front of them, and give them oral. Or vice versa.

Why It's Helpful: You get a chance to really focus on pleasing your partner and, with nothing else going on, you can really pay attention to what they like and dislike. Then they can do the same for you.


Modified Doggy

How To Do It: Start in doggy, then collapse onto your elbows, and eventually onto your stomach, while your partner braces themselves on top of you. It should be an intense sensation, but in a good way.

Why It's Helpful: It's intimate and gives you a chance for dirty talk or whispering without the intense, face-to-face contact that might feel a bit much when you're getting to know someone. Plus, it feels amazing.



How To Do It: Curl up side-by-side on the bed and start doing your thing. (You may need lube or to adjust your angles a bit to get it right.)

Why It's Helpful: It requires a little negotiating to get started, so it's a great way to work out communication with a new partner. And because it's a reassuring, cozy position you'll feel comfortable with each other immediately.



How To Do It: The wall is your friend, so stay close. While your partner stands behind you, spread your legs slightly and brace yourself. Lifting one leg can make it easier for them to enter you, but lube helps, too. If there's a big height difference, try standing on a pillow to even it out.

Why It's Helpful: There's a good chance you'll fall over and laugh about it together, which is great bonding. And if you get it right? Well, then you'll know you've got some great chemistry going on.


Mutual Masturbation

How To Do It: Lie down, side-by-side, and try getting off simultaneously, or try taking turns while the other watches. Use your hands to stimulate your clitoris, or incorporate toys.

Why It's Helpful: By watching one another masturbate, you can learn more about each other’s bodies and sexual preferences, and by doing so in sync, you can find a new way to climax together.


Mirror Sex

How To Do It: Prop up a mirror next to your bed or overhead, and start to engage in foreplay, all while keeping a sexy eye on your reflection. You and your partner can take turns pleasuring each other, while the other has a 360-degree view.

Why It's Helpful: Not only can mirror sex provide great education for you and your partner, it can also invoke all the excitement of filming yourself without ever turning on the camera.

Whether you're dating someone new, or just want to get to know your partner better, try these super intimate sex positions — and you'll feel closer in no time.


Dr. Nikki Goldstein, sexologist and relationship expert

Survey cited:

Wakefield Research. (2020). The Skyn Sex & Intimacy Survey. Retrieved from

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